My Hair

As you can see, I changed the picture of Andrew and I. Do I look gay? I mean, seriously, do I look gay? Apparently I do because if one more girl "approaches" me I'm going to go for it!

Andrew & I went out about a month ago and, when he went to the bathroom, a couple of gay girls came over and started flirting with me. It happened a few times in Vegas, too. No. This was not in my head. I did not make it up. Since then? I've been wearing long dangly earrings trying to make sure this doesn't happen again.

And...just for the record. I have nothing against lesbians. I just don't want to be one, ya know? (Although, I do admit, it's a bit of an ego boost!)

Gotta go reupholster some kitchen chairs. Having three kids in college will make you do horrible things - like pick up your neighbours old kitchen table and chairs out of their garbage! Oh yes! I did that and I'm proud of it. It's a perfectly good table, for pete's sake! ROFL!!

ttfn, peeps!

I'm Better Today!

I'm in a much better mood today.

We're getting kind of excited around here. We might get a hurricane coming through! I know that sounds crazy to get excited about it but it will only be a category 1 so we don't have to evacuate or put the boards on our windows. We just get to sit and watch it. It's really cool. The sky "swirls". One hour the wind is going one way the next hour it's going a different way.

So, don't worry about us down here in Florida. A category 1 hurricane is just a big storm. We might lose power, which would totally suck because it's hot a hell down here, but other than that? It should be really interesting and totally cool.

TTFN!

I HATE CANCER!

I'm so mad at cancer today. I just can't explain it. I'm just in a foul mood and mad at cancer.

How dare it take my grandmother away from me! How dare it attack my sweet father-in-law! How dare it take Mr Laws' life and Jake at 15! How dare it put Mrs. Young through such a battle! How dare it attack my father and me! How dare it take Briana's life and Jeff's mom! How dare it attack Helga and Laurie and Vanessa and Brandy and Brandy's friend Betty! The fucking bastard!!

I FUCKING HATE CANCER!!

I know that having hatred in my heart isn't good. I must replace it with love but, today? I'm frustrated. My hips hurt and my spirit is low. It may have something to do with the fact that all my kids are going to college in the next week. I think it's more than that, though. I met so many amazing people while going through this. They sat next to me in chemo or across from me in chemo or while waiting for radiation. They were all so nice and we were all going through this shitty battle. We put on brave faces and laughed at our deformed selves (remember, Laurie, the day you came in "lopsided"?) but some days it just really really sucks and I hate it.

I hate that I had to go through this. It's made my kids face things that no one wants their kids to face. It made my parents so sad and scared. It made my sister cry over and over. It made my nieces and nephews have to know that there's a disease that can kill their cousin's mother. It takes the innocent and makes them not-so-innocent and that sucks.

Now I have to face a double hip replacement and that sucks, too. And Vanessa has to go into surgery on Monday, scared and having to think about doing chemo all over again and her children and husband have to be scared and brave all over again.

I FUCKING HATE CANCER!! I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I

HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vegas and more

Well, I'm finally getting a chance to sit down and write about Vegas and Donny!!!

Vegas was great! We didn't lose too much money and had tons of fun. We stayed at Planet Hollywood for the first three nights and then at Treasure Island. Planet Hollywood's way better.

Thursday - got there and got our bearings.

Friday - booked a trip on the Colorado River and went to see Kathy Griffin in the evening. She was so funny! At one point she made reference to the fact that Donny and Marie were in town. And then she fell on the floor - a la Marie's fainting experience on Dancing With The Stars. That was funny. Then she went on to say she thinks Marie's dolls are creepy (I agree) and that she thinks Marie beats Donny and he has to wear a lot of makeup to cover up his black eyes and then she said "They have that song I'm a Little Bit Country I'm a Little Bit Rock and Roll. Well, Marie might be a little bit country but Donny? He's never been even a little bit rock and roll!" It was funny. I think Andrew thought I'd stand up and yell something. I didn't. Phew! I know y'all were thinking I would, too, weren't you? I was on my best behaviour!

Saturday we went on our Colorado River Trip. It was really cool. We got to see the "backside of the Hoover Dam. We went on a raft for about three hours. We stopped for lunch along the way (a boxed lunch) and they said we could swim. The water was 54 degrees so you can imagine not many people went in. Only the brave......

I'm thinking about it...... (so's the Europeon guy in the teeny tiny bathing suit)

I'm Brave!!! I got all the way in. Not once. Not twice. But three times!!!

I'm so proud at this moment...

Now? All I want is out! This was my first venture in. The third time I actually stayed in for quite a while. The water burned it was so cold but I figured when else will I ever get a chance to do something like this? I'm also proud to say that only one other woman went in (another Florida chick) and about three other guys out of the 30 or so on the tour. Who woulda thunk, eh?

My honey and me. She how he's dry and I'm not? He ended up getting soaking wet from the spray on the boat.

Here's some pictures of the sights we saw:

Andrew right before the rafting tour. He thought he'd have a chance to change into his bathing suit but there was no chance so he ended up getting really wet in his clothes.

On the river

A mountain goat

A girl on the tour's foot. Her mother had breast cancer (she is now at the five year remission mark - yay her!!) and this girl had a tattoo done as an ode to her mom. I loved it and it got me thinking that I'd like something, too. I haven't done it yet. I know which tattoo guy will do it I just have to get him to design it and find some money for it. Three kids in college is expensive!!

Andrew and I in front of the Hoover Dam. He has now changed into his bathing suit because his clothes were all wet. He's a little bit backwards, eh?

We stopped at Dick's Saloon for a drink after the Kathy Griffin show and I sat on this bar stool. I didn't realize it was legs for a few minutes but once I did I needed a picture! LOL!!

Andrew and "his car" outside Planet Hollywood. In his dreams, people!! In his dreams!! I just thought it was funny that it was an orange car. Remember his first car? The orange Capri?

OK, so zip forward to Monday night. The Donny night. First off we got to go to the sound check. We waited in line because it wasn't reserved seating for that part. While in line we met these people from Orlando. She was a little bit scary. Shoot. There were scary people everywhere. You think I'm a Donny freak? You ain't seen nothin' till you've seen some of these people! Anyway, she was one of the lucky people who got to go to a meet and greet after the sound check. We got to talking and I ended up telling them all about chemo and how I had looked forward to this all through chemo and how it helped me get through. That whole light at the end of the tunnel thing. So....we go in for the sound check. It ended up being a question and answer thing. What I should have done is put up my hand and told them how this got me through chemo however....I just sat there. Some woman right behind me stood up and started blubbering that she'd loved Donny since she was a kid. Well, hello! We all have! But...he came right into the audience and gave her a hug and stood there talking to her for a couple of minutes. He was within an armlength of me. Did I do anything? Well, yes. I cryed. I sat there fucking crying!!! Did I stand up? no. Say anything? no. Just sat there fucking crying!! My big chance and I sit there crying.

Ugh! So then....those people we met in line went up for their meet and greet. It was in the audience but over to the side and up. These people were first in line and the man told Donny about me. Donny turned around and said "Where is she, I'd like to meet her." Where was I? gone. I was already out of the hall. another Ugh!!! So...I missed it. Again. Anyway, the concert was amazingly good. Even Andrew said it was good. Great, even. They are amazing performers and entertainers. I found out after I got home that after all the concerts they come out and meet their fans. Once again, I was gone. But? I got to see my dreamboat and he really is dreamy. I love him even more, now. Sigh!!!!!

So. That's our trip to Vegas. It was really fantastic. Wonderful to spend so much time with my honey. Usually when we go away, Andrew's on business and is gone all day and we only get to see each other in the evenings. This time, we got to spend lots of time together. We got to wake up together, eat together, play together. It was so nice. I love that man with all my heart ( well, not all my heart - some of my heart. My kids get some and my parents and other relatives and Debbie and her kids - ok, revision.....) I love that man with lots of my heart!! teehee!!

Other things:

- Kevin and Scott have found a house to live in in the fall. A nicer house than my house, I might add. I've been busy buying them furniture.

- We all went to Panama City Beach for a few days this past week. We stayed in a three bedroom condo. We had tons of fun. There's a jet skiing story to be told but not today.

- I went to see my orthopedic surgeon. Andrew went with me. We got to see my MRI from a few months ago and what, exactly, is happening. We saw exactly where the bone is dying and have a much better understanding of what's happening. The doctor and I have agreed that hip replacement surgery is imminent. I'm in quite a bit of pain on a daily basis. I really want to wait until April to get it done. I lost last selling season to Cancer (my selling season is Nov 15 - April 1) and I want to make some money this year. Also, it's better to wait until I'm finished the Herceptin. It is considered a chemo drug and it's better not to have surgery while I'm on it - although not impossible. I finish that in late January. Anyway, I'm on a wait and see, right now. If the pain isn't too bad I'll wait until April. If it gets too bad then I'll do it earlier. We're also talking about doing both hips at the same time. I'm feeling lots of pain in the right hip (actually groin area) and some in the left. I'd hate to get my right one done and then, a few months later, need the other done. The doctor said he was willing to do both at the same time. Once again, that's a wait and see thing, too. I'll keep you posted.

Well, that's all for now. Long post, eh? Thanks for reading!!

TTFN!!

Cancer Talk

I've decided to put off writing about Vegas to talk about cancer.

Today, I was at the physiotherapists. I did my whole program and went over to the front desk. I made sure I had my appointment for next week and then the receptionist, Kathy, introduced me to two of her friends who were standing there. She said they had come to talk to me and did I have time to chat. I said sure. I thought maybe they wanted advice on insurance. We went into a private room and they shut the door. Turns out that all three of these ladies (ages 42, 43 & 45) have found lumps in their breasts and all three were told by their doctors that it was probably hormonal and nothing to worry about. All three were told that because there is no dimpling in the breast and that the nipple isn't "inverted" that it's nothing. Well, I gotta tell you, I didn't have either of those things. I ended up actually feeling two of their "lumps". I'd say that one is definitely suspect. It's the size and feel of a frozen pea. I told her that if it was me I'd be getting a mammogram. I also told them that my particular cancer didn't even show up on the mammogram so they should ask for an ultrasound, too.

This got me to thinking. How many women out there wait for a long period of time to get checked because their doctor said it's nothing? I have to tell you that we all have to be our own advocates. We have to say "I want........." and follow up with it. Stick up for yourself as though it's life or death because it just may be.

I also have an issue with my Herceptin treatments. As I've explained before I will be on Herceptin until January 2009. It is a chemo drug that specifically targets HER2 cells. My tumor was positive for that so I get Herceptin to target any lingering cells. That, in itself, makes me nervous. What lingering cells? Didn't they get it all? I have to calm that part of my brain and just go with it.

Anyway, my doctor told me that I needed to do Herceptin every 3 weeks for a year. There were no other time periods mentioned. So for the past six months I've been doing as I was told. Now, that doctor has left and I have a new doctor. The new doctor says that I'm supposed to do Herceptin every week and asked me why I had chosen to do it every 3 weeks. I explained that I wasn't given an option. This is how it was prescribed for me. He explained that all his patients do it every week because that's what the American Medical Association says to do. He said there weren't enough studies to warrant doing it every three weeks. He also said that I can continue to do it every three weeks if I want to because, as my doctor he can only give me facts and then it is up to me to make the decision as to my treatment. I am so confused by this. So I started looking up and asking around. How often do other people do Herceptin? I sure as hell don't want to risk my life by doing it every three weeks. Of course I'll do it every week if I have to. So I asked the chemo nurses. They said every three weeks is fine. That, yes, all his patients do it every week but most other doctors prescribe it every three weeks. Then, my friend, Shelley found out that at Princess Margaret in Toronto do Herceptin every three weeks. Other people online (Cancer patient message boards) seem to do both. Some do every week others do every three weeks. I just don't know what to do and my doctor wants an answer next time I see him - which is Tuesday. Anyone got a suggestion?

I also want to talk about what it's like to have had cancer. First off, it's scary. You're always thinking about whether they got it all. When I tell people I had cancer and went through chemo they always ask "Did they get it all?". I'm never sure how to answer that. I always say "They think they did. I hope they did." Only time will tell, right?

I have to tell you that I don't think about it as soon as I wake up in the morning. I'm not sure when this happened but it used to be that I'd wake up and think "Oh shit, I have cancer." I don't do that any more. Sometimes I don't even think about it until noon or later. That's such a good thing and a big relief. I was told that this thinking about it every minute of every day would eventually go away. It took some time but I seem to be getting there.

I should also update everyone on my hips. I seem to be having quite a bit of pain in the right groin area, which is a sign that the hip is deteriorating. I'm going to go to my orthopedic doctor and see whether this is happing a little quicker than I had hoped. The frustrating thing with it is that there is no timeline. You know, like when you break an arm or something they tell you that you'll be ok in 8 weeks. With this, I could end up with hip replacement in a year or in 15 years it just depends on how quickly the bones deteriorate. They also don't really know when this started. I took a lot of prednisone for a lot of years and that could be why I have this. Of course it could be the chemo. Then again it could be the combo. They don't really know why this has happened. So there's a lot of things that are just up in the air. It's a little hard to mentally accept that. I'm a planner. If they could say "You will need a hip replacement in 5 years and 7 weeks and 5 days and 8 hours" I would be much happier. This "not knowing" is hard for me to deal with.

I think that's all I have to say, right now. I just thought people would be interested to know where my brain is right now.

ttfn

What a Great Summer!!

Welcome to the longest post in the history of man!

I've just had quite the traveling summer.

First there was Canada. Scott & I started off at Debbie's (my best friend) in Barrie. We got to see the Rathmann family while we were there. I babysat Stef and Scott Michael about 17 years ago and we still keep in touch.

Our luggage didn't make it to Toronto with us (long story) so the first thing we did when we got to Barrie was go to Walmart. We picked up toothbrushes, undies and I needed some decent clothes because Deb and I were supposed to go out that night. I went out in Walmart clothes!! I kept calling myself the Walmart girl. LOL!! Scott went out with Deb's kids that night. The rest of the time we sat around and chatted and ate and chillaxed.

Then we went to my parents for a few days where Scotty played golf with my dad and brother, Steve. On Friday we all headed down to Sam's (my brother's daughter) house and helped her paint her room. Then on Saturday we headed off to Sue (Andrew's sister) & Gerard's in Orangeville for a night. From there we went to a family BBQ on Sunday afternoon at Andrew's brother Steve's and his wife Monika's house with all of Andrew's family. That evening we went to watch Cameron win a baseball game and then we stayed with Jane (Andrew's sister) and Craig's for a couple of nights. Scott & Cameron headed to Wonderland on Monday. I went to watch Abby play t-ball on Monday night and on Tuesday we spent the day with my brother, Steve. We went and played mini golf (Steve won, as usual. When we were kids he beat me all the time and I just wanted to beat him but it didn't happen. Darn!) and went to the Chinguacousy petting park. There's actually no petting allowed but it was fun to watch all the animals. They were all fighting with each other. Weird. Later we went out for dinner with Steve and Sam and her boyfriend, Travis. Thank you so much for dinner! It was so good and I'm so sorry I dipped my bread in your food and made you sick! Then, they took us to Steve and Monika's (thanks, Steve!) so we could stay there a couple of nights. Here are some pictures from Wednesday at their place:

Hilary

The muscle bound boys!

Daniel jumping in

Michael "shooting" me

Michael

Scott throwing Adam - who, I might add, is the bravest child in the history of man!!

Scott threw Daniel and he gave me the "thumbs up"

Scott throwing Adam - look how high he went!

Scott

Scott and his shadow, Adam

Four gorgeous boys!

Aren't those amazing pictures? New digital camera!

OK, from there my sister, Kim, came and picked us up in Burlington and took us back to her place in Horseheads, NY. I must say. This was an amazing thing, that sister of mine, did! She drove 4 hours to come get us and then four more hours home. So, that was Thursday. That night Scott and Thomas (Kim's son) went to a bar and Kim and I went, too. It's not what it sounds. We didn't go to a bar with our kids! They went outside and we stayed inside. Lindsey (Kim's daughter) was bartending inside so we went to visit. We did venture outside for a couple of minutes to see what the music was like but we felt like it was "inappropriate" so we went up on this deck that looks down so we could hear the music (70's!) but not look like cougars. Then Friday we went to wine country. Lindsey was our DD and her son, Tyler, came along. Well, I just love this kid. He melts my heart! He is so smart (smarter than even Jeff was at that age!) and so cute and when he'd say my name? OMG!! I just kept saying "I want one!". ROFL!! A grandbaby, I mean. But, I don't really. All in good time. But he really was a cutie. Oh, and he just loves his grandpa and vice versa. He calls Randy "Pa" and when he says it? You can just hear the love in his voice. Oh! And he kept thinking Scott was Thomas. They don't actually look alike but their mannerisms are so much alike! He just kept calling Scott, Tom. So funny! Here's some pics from their house.

Kim and my cat, Stella. Kim & Randy took Stella when we moved from Connecticut to Florida. We couldn't take a cat and dog so Kim agreed to take Stella. She's definitely Kim's cat, now. She actually comes in behind Kim like this

<--------

and then starts chewing on her hair. It's love!!

Tyler

Look at those eyes!!!

Can you tell I'm in love? I just kept taking picture after picture. I think he's looking at Randy in this one - that's the look he gets when Randy's around.

Scott and Tom. See? They don't really look anything alike but their mannerisms are so similar that they look like twins. Funny!

I must say that Scott was a wonderful travel partner. He really just went with the flow and was fine doing something or nothing. I love you Scotty and I'm so glad we had that time together. Just to have a laugh or sing a song....oh! sorry, that's the song from Carol Burnett. ROFL!! I kill myself!!

So, I'm tired of typing and you're probably tired of reading so I'm going to write about Vegas tomorrow or the next day.

As Donny and Marie said...G'night everybody!!

LOL!!!

Back From Canada

Hi all!!

Scott & I are back from Canada. We had an amazing trip! I'll post some pictures when I get back from Vegas.

Yup, that's right. I'm heading to Vegas on Thursday and....get this!! In six days I will see my darling Donny!! I'm so frickin' excited!! Oh yes - did you notice I used the word frickin'? I've been in houses with small children and couldn't swear. Oh, don't worry. I'll get back to myself in no time and I'll be fuckin' everywhere! Oh shit! I don't mean fuckin' as in, well you know. I'm blushing!! I mean I'll be saying the word fuck. There, I got back in the fuck groove fast, eh?

ROFL!!!

I'll update more when I'm back from Vegas!