I'm so mad at cancer today. I just can't explain it. I'm just in a foul mood and mad at cancer.
How dare it take my grandmother away from me! How dare it attack my sweet father-in-law! How dare it take Mr Laws' life and Jake at 15! How dare it put Mrs. Young through such a battle! How dare it attack my father and me! How dare it take Briana's life and Jeff's mom! How dare it attack Helga and Laurie and Vanessa and Brandy and Brandy's friend Betty! The fucking bastard!!
I FUCKING HATE CANCER!!
I know that having hatred in my heart isn't good. I must replace it with love but, today? I'm frustrated. My hips hurt and my spirit is low. It may have something to do with the fact that all my kids are going to college in the next week. I think it's more than that, though. I met so many amazing people while going through this. They sat next to me in chemo or across from me in chemo or while waiting for radiation. They were all so nice and we were all going through this shitty battle. We put on brave faces and laughed at our deformed selves (remember, Laurie, the day you came in "lopsided"?) but some days it just really really sucks and I hate it.
I hate that I had to go through this. It's made my kids face things that no one wants their kids to face. It made my parents so sad and scared. It made my sister cry over and over. It made my nieces and nephews have to know that there's a disease that can kill their cousin's mother. It takes the innocent and makes them not-so-innocent and that sucks.
Now I have to face a double hip replacement and that sucks, too. And Vanessa has to go into surgery on Monday, scared and having to think about doing chemo all over again and her children and husband have to be scared and brave all over again.
I FUCKING HATE CANCER!! I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I
HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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1 comment:
I FUCKING hate it too !!! I think the "F" word actually describes it best !
WE are entitled to those days Sandy...no one can relate unless your treading through those waters or along that journey with many detours along the way !
Keep the faith Sandy...hang on its all we have.
I am glad your better today. You know how it goes two steps forward one step back but it is with family, friends and God that hold our hands and guide us through ... days I feel like I am going solo on this journey sandly we aren't.
Anyway, I was just checking in w/ you and know that when I first met you in the Rad office I thought,
"I like her SHE is a fun spirited person" Then I too thought
"Cancer Sucks" Once you have it there is no turning back to your "normal life" it's now our "new normal" and we have to accept it...so we ARE entitled to those days !!!
You look awesome in your Vegas pic...I still have to navigate through some more of your Blog...and sadly I really haven't done much with mine but I will send you my BLOG page okay ?
LOTS of hugs Sandy !!!
Love,
Laurie
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