Thursday, February 28, 2008

I'm Back

Wow, it's been quite a while since I last posted. Here's what's happened in the past few days.

Thursday I went for my last chemo. We made it into a party. Kevin took the day off school to come with us. Mom & dad came, too. I made some carrot cake so it would be a true celebration. My friends Christy and Whitney both dropped by. It was very nice.

Friday Andrew came home. Kevin & I went to pick him up at the airport and then the three of us went out for dinner. I actually wore a wig. Andrew said it looked real. I believed him, actually. I think I'll start wearing the wigs more. Especially when we're in Vegas.

Since then, I've just been in pain. It hit me on Saturday. The sharp, shooting pains really only went away this morning and now I just have a nagging ache in my hips. So, basically the last week I've been concentrating on the clock and when I get to take my next pill. That's over with, now, thank goodness!! My momma came and spent Monday and Tuesday with me. She's sure getting some bad habits from me. First, American Idol and now? smoothies. I asked her to go get me a smoothie on Monday and she has discovered that they're really good! hmmmm.....can you be a bad influence on your mother? LOL!!

Speaking of bad influences on their mother - both my college boys are coming home this weekend. I love when they come home!! Yippee!!

We were going to go to the Renaissance Festival on Saturday but I'm not up to it so we'll have to go another weekend.

This Sunday we go to see Alan Jackson at the Strawberry Festival with my mom and dad. The tickets were only $40 and it's a really, really small stadium so we'll be nice and close. Should be fun. I'm kind of worried about getting around. My hips have hurt so badly for the past 5 days that I've been lying in bed most of the time so I don't know how much stamina I'll have to wander around. The good thing is that my dad had both knees replaced this summer so he's in about the same boat as me. We can sit on benches together. LOL!!

On Wednesday next week I go to see the oncologist who will do my radiation. When I called they said they usually start it three to five weeks after the last chemo so I'll probably start shortly after we get back from Vegas. I'm kinda nervous about radiation. I've heard of some people who sail through and just do it and I've heard of others who get really sick and tired from it and the area gets really burned badly. My chemo nurse said that it seems to run in correlation to your skin type and that red heads get burned the most and then blondes and on down the line. Since I'm more of a blonde skin-type I just don't know what will happen. I guess we'll see and I'll just try not to worry about it. Easier said than done.

That's all for now. No funny stories 'cause all I've been doing is lying in bed, bored and in pain. Not much fun in that.


Wednesday, February 20, 2008


I met another angel yesterday. Here's the story:

I went to get Kevin's birthday present and then went and got it wrapped. The lady wrapped it and handed it to me. Then she said "Just a sec, I want to come around to you." I didn't have a clue what she was doing but she came around the counter and took both my hands in hers and looked me in the eye and said "I just want you to know that two months ago? I was wearing a scarf just like you are today. And look at me now! I have cute curly hair and you will have hair soon, too." I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said "I only have one more chemo to go!" and she said "You can do it and, together, we will survive!" At that she gave me a hug. There were about four people in line and the lady right behind me started clapping and then all the others did, too and they all started yelling "hooray for the survivors!" over and over. I just stood there crying taking it all in.

People like her? I call them angels. Other angels are:

My chemo nurses. On a weekly basis they give me advice and hope. I love them.

The guy who did my mugga (heart) test. I was in the machine and we were chatting about our kids and then about Vegas and my hatred of this port came up. I said to him "How am I going to wear a bathing suit with this ugly thing stuck in the middle of my chest?" and do you know what he said to me? "With confidence and grace." and then he came around to where I could see him and squeezed me hand and said "Don't worry, you can do this." I love that.

One of my customer's secretary. I told her about my breast cancer and she told me she had had it 15 years ago and assured me I would be a survivor, too. It was early in my diagnosis and when I started crying she stayed on the line and supported me.

There are others, too. The various women who, when I'm at the mall or grocery store, come up to me and whisper that they, too, are survivors.

That's all. I just wanted to share that story. It really rocked my world.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Happy 18th
Birthday, Kevin!!
You are such a wonderful person and it has been and continues to be an honour to be your mother. You have always surprised me with the directions you choose to go. People will say "What would Kevin like/think about that?" and my answer is always "I just don't know". You have a heart of gold. I love you with all my heart!!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Sunny Sunday

As you can see, I've added a new element to my page. It's over to your right, see? I'm asking each and every one of you to click on this link and then click on the pink button that says click here. It's a site that accumulates "clicks" and then trades them in for free mammograms for women who can't afford them. My sister, Karen, sent this to me and I'd love if each of you would click on this link every time you come to check in on my blog. Together, we can save lives. Wow! what a dramatic statement, eh? LOL!!

We're having a great weekend here in sunny Florida. First on Friday, my friend Christy and I went out floor shopping and then out for lunch. This girl is so sunny. Just a delight to spend time with. I was telling her how I seem to have "dropped out" of society for the time being. I don't tend to return phone calls (sorry to the people I've done this to!!), I don't go out many places but, Christy? Man, this girl is relentless. She calls and calls and e-mails and e-mails and just keeps at it until I call her and then? Being with her is so effortless. First off, her mom went through chemo a few years ago so I don't even have to explain "my tingly fingers" or "the shooting pains in my legs" to her. Also, she's quite similar to me and could talk to a wall, if you know what I mean. So, when we're together, it's very even. I don't have to keep up the conversation and be "on". I just love her!! I tend to pick people like this as best friends, I've noticed. you Kim, Deb, Mom, Whitney, Christy....thanks for keeping up your end of the conversation and calling me all the time - I love each one of you!!

Scotty came home on Friday. He and Kevin went to dinner with friends and then to the movies. I had the house (and more importantly, the computer) all to myself on Friday night. Now, wouldn't you think I was happy about that? Well, no. Not really. I kept inviting myself to dinner and movies with the kids but they wouldn't let me come. I remember when they were little and I was going out they would sometimes beg me to take them with me....well, haven't the tables turned!! Now I'm the one begging! LOL!!!

Saturday was a gorgeous, perfect day. I decided to take the boys out for lunch. We went to one of my favourite restaurants, Jack Willie's, with every intention of sitting outside. Well, this place was packed. There was a band outside and, get this.....they were playing disco music!! ROFL!! I'm pretty sure the boys were glad the outside area was full. That music would have made them crazy!! Anyway, we ended up eating inside. So, we're chatting - well, mostly I'm chatting...and I see a plateful of onion rings go by. Now, this place has really good onion rings. So I kinda growled and said "mmm look at those!". Ok, Ok, it's probably not common to growl but I like growling and do so quite often. It lets people know how I'm feeling - growling can say "get away from me", "I'm mad at you", "Oh! that looks good", "Oh! I love that" - many, many things. Try it! No, really, try it! Like a pirate. Feels good, eh?

Anyway, so the conversation goes on and Scott tells me that he tells all his friends that I'm crazy. I'm not kidding!! He tells his friends that I'm crazy!! So, just because I growl, I'm crazy? Well, I am totally and utterly offended by this. Rendered speachless, and we all know that doesn't happen very often. So, I'm going to try to be "normal" from now on. I'm thinking it probably won't work, but it's worth the effort to not have a reputation for being crazy. Ya know, I don't mind being called weird, but crazy? That's not good. So, I'm going to try to change. Wish me luck on that one!! ROFL!!

Then, last night we went to my mom and dad's for Kevin's birthday dinner. His birthday is actually on Tuesday but he wants to make dinner himself that night. And he thinks I'm crazy? Weirdo. Anyway, my dad makes these awesome hamburgers so we enjoyed that.

While we're on this subject? My youngest is turning 18!!!! OMG!! I'm getting fucking old here, people!! Old!!! Now, I know you're all going.."well, yah, you dumb-ass, you just had your 45th birthday". But, that didn't really phase me. I think it's because I was busy with chemo, but, holy shit!! My youngest is turning 18!!! This means my kids are 18, 19 & 20 and I'm fucking old. There ya have it. So...I've decided that I want a birthday party next year. I was demanding one for my 45th but then cancer came and I was bald and not feeling well and I decided no party. Next year? F that S. I want a party!! I haven't had one since I was 13 and I want one. year, around December 15th? There will be a party so if you want an invite just comment on here and I'll add you to the list. teehee!!

No plans for today. I'm gearing up for my last chemo. I'm going to make a carrot cake and take it in for a celebration. If I do say so myself, I make the best damned carrot cake in the land so those chemo nurses are in for a treat. Yummo!!

I'm also gearing up for Vegas. Unfortunately, I've eaten my way through chemo so I have to take out my "semi-fat" clothes. That means, I've gained some weight back but not all the weight back. Oh! - this is important - I also tried on my bathing suits and they don't show the port! This is huge, ok? I may reconsider getting the port out, now. I know, I know, how vain! Whatever!! But, all my bathing suits are halter style and they hide the port. I'm really happy about this and that I don't have to go bathing suit shopping before Vegas 'cause everyone knows that bathing suit shopping sucks... right ladies? While I'm in Vegas I'm planning on doing nothing. Just sitting by the pool and reading. That's it. Well, you know, we're going back in July so I can "do the strip" then and I've been there before, too, so it's not like I haven't seen it. So, relaxing by the pool is it for me. Ahhhh! Perfect.

Oh, funny story. I was going to the doctor's on Thursday. I parked behind the building. That parking is for two different buildings so all kinds of people park there. So, as I'm walking up between the buildings these two ladies are right behind me - one is around my age and the other is her mom. This is how it goes:
Younger Girl: "Oh look, mom, she's wearing a doo-rag! I love those!"
Mom: "What's a doo-rag?"
Daughter: "It's a really cool scarf. You put all your hair up under the scarf and it's really cool. Like that." (I assume she's pointing at me)
Mom: "Honey, I don't think she has any hair."
Daughter: "No, mom, you don't understand, she has it all tucked up under the doo-rag."
Mom: "No, honey, I'm pretty sure she doesn't have any hair. That's a cancer clinic." (I'm assuming she points to my cancer building)

So, at this point, I'm laughing at the whole conversation and kind of excited that she thinks I'm cool and I turn around and so "Nope, I'm bald. As a cue ball." I said this laughing to they'd know I wasn't offended and went into my building. I just thought this was really funny!

Well, that's all for now. I have to go finish Scott's laundry (that's my lure to get him home so often!! ROFL!!!) and Kevin has a pancake ready for me (he makes the best pancakes in the history of man!!). MMMMM This kid is such a good cook! And he wants to go in the Navy! He should be a chef, I tell you. LOL!!


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!!

We don't, generally, celebrate Valentine's Day in a big way (rhyme) but I just thought I'd start this entry by saying it.... especially to all "my boys". I love you guys!!

Well, I didn't have a great few days. I was in more pain on Monday and Tuesday than on any previous day.'s much better than the nausea so I feel silly even mentioning it. was quite debilitating. My feet and hands got really tingly and I had these horrible shooting pains through my legs. It felt like lightening bolts. As I said to my mom, if it was in the same spot every time I could expect it and be prepared but no, it just happened randomly in all different parts of my hips and legs. All of a sudden there'd be a jolt through my legs or hips and I'd jump and yell out in pain. It was so bad that I actually asked my mom & dad to cut short their trip to Orlando to come stay with me. Andrew left for Europe (Paris and then Dusseldorf) and I really needed someone to be with me. For those of you who know me you know I must have been in dire straights to ask this of them because I have tried so hard not to be "needy" through this whole thing.

They're so wonderful, my parents. They've come to every single chemo and continue to support me. My mom calls me just about every day just to see how I am. I use it as my time to really think about myself and think about how I am because other than that time? I don't want to think about it. Does that even make sense? Anyway, my mom and dad came on Tuesday just to sit with me. They just took over and made plans for dinner. That is so wonderful because the last thing I wanted to think about was what to eat. My dad bbq'd some amazing steaks and my momma cooked some beans and made some fried potatoes (you know, left over potatos fried with onions). mmmmm. And...I could actually taste the food! Seems that about day 5 after chemo my taste buds come back. Then, my momma stayed with me over night. So sweet! (My dad would have stayed but we don't have a very comfortable guest bed so he opted to go home).

Then, they came back on Wednesday evening with dinner! Are they perfect or what? Oh! And get mom has never watched American Idol and after spending just two evenings with me? she's hooked!! Funny thing though. Last night they announced who made it to the top 24. I had Tivo'd the show and they were just about to announce the last girl....big buildup....and my tivo stopped!! It missed the last few minutes and so we still don't know who made it. We were freaking out! It was really funny! So now I have to tell my mom when American Idol's on so she can remember to watch it. ROFL!! Another addict!!

So, today I feel much better. Slept like a log last night. I love when Andrew's away that I get the whole bed. I just sprawl right out over the whole thing. I mean, I don't love that he's away - especially since today's Valentine's Day and all, but I do love sprawling. LOL!!

That's all for today. I go to the doctor this afternoon just so they can check my white and red blood cell counts. They've been low in the past but not low enough that I have to "do anything" about it. I don't, actually, know what "do anything" means and, as long as it doesn't happen? I don't even care. I don't want to know.

Have a great day, all! and....Andrew....

Happy Valentine's Babe! I wouldn't choose anyone else to go through this roller coaster of life with (dangling participle - I just had to say it, you you know that I know but I typed "I wouldn't choose anyone else with whom to go though this"...and that sounded stupid so I'm just leavin' it...oh god!! I'm so freakin' weird!!!). You're my best friend and always will be! (and I know you're weird so you are now singing Queen's song ohhh you're my best friend...ohhh you make me live - I know you are 'cause you, my love, are just as weird, if not weirder than me!!) We were meant to be and I love it that way!!


Sunday, February 10, 2008

Weekend Wrapup

Thursday: Had chemo. Doctor gave me a prescription for Effexor to help with the hot flashes. I haven't gotten it filled because Kevin mentioned that some of these drugs have some pretty weird side effects. I went online and it's kinda scary of the side effects can be "sweating". Well, hello!! I'm trying to get rid of the hot flashes. Another is migraine headaches. Well, I'm prone to migraines & frankly? I'd rather have hot flashes then a migraine. So, I'm going to have to look into this further. My sister's a Nurse Practitioner so I'll call her and run it by her. If she can't help me I'll ask the pharmacist. Anyway, then I went to bed at 11 pm & woke up at 1 am. Finally got up at 2 am 'cause I kept waking up Andrew with all my tossing & turning. Played on the computer all night.

Friday: Went to the doctor with Jeff & then took he and his girlfriend for breakfast. Saw a woman there who was growing back her hair from chemo. I was dying to ask how long ago she finished but didn't get up the guts to do it. Kicked Jeff & Chanel out of the house around 1pm with every intention of taking a nap but I just couldn't sleep so I played on the computer some more. Kevin took me for my Neulasta shot (the one that helps my white blood cells) and then I came home and finally crashed. Woke up around 7pm. Andrew & I dragged Kevin to a wine tasting (there were chocolate covered strawberries so he was ok with it) and then the three of us headed over to The Melting Pot for dinner. It's a fondue restaurant. We love it. Took my "Donny" fan with me and had to use it. I love it, too! LOL!! Unfortunately (I think I've mentioned this before) the chemo really affects my taste buds. Weirdly enough, I can only taste "sweet" things so I didn't enjoy dinner as much as I would have normally. Still, the whole fondue experience is fun.

Saturday: Pain day. I was pretty miserable. Between not being able to taste food and having muscle and bone pain? I was pretty cranky. I also had this weird tingling in my hands and feet. It makes walking painful and anything to do with my hands painful, too. So Andrew had to do just about everything for me - like opening any pill bottles, even my water bottle. Makes me feel really helpless but it only lasted for that day so I'm not complaining too much. I made Andrew buy me another vanilla cake. I don't know if I've mentioned this before but when I'm miserable with the side-effects of chemo? Vanilla cake makes me feel soooo much better! Last week? I ate an entire cake! hmmmm....wonder why I'm gaining weight, eh? LOL!!

Sunday: Not too bad. The foot & hand tingling have gone away for the most part. Andrew, Kevin & I went over to The Sports Authority to pick up more of those under armour shirts. On Saturday night I woke up twice with horrible night sweats and was soaking wet. I didn't want to wake Andrew up to change the sheets so I just changed my jammies and put a dry towel over the wet sheets. Not that comfortable. Hopefully these shirts will help keep me dry. Andrew & I dropped Kevin off at home and went "driving". We headed down to Clearwater beach and ended up going through a bunch of open houses. A couple of condos right on the beach and then a $3.2 million home. Wow! It was beautiful and no, we didn't pretend we were in the market. We just wowed and ohhed and awed. Listen, if these people want to open up their doors for an open house I'm willing to go in. LOL!!

So right now it's midnight on Sunday. I didn't get up till 11 am so I can't sleep yet. I watched the grammy's. Boy! It was crappy this year. Tina Turner was good and the Foo Fighters but other than that? Amy Winehouse? Seriously. WTF!!?? I just don't see what the big deal is. I might be getting old. And....did you see Andy Williams? I didn't even know he was still alive.

So, that's my update. Not very exciting. I never have an exciting time after my chemo. To be expected, I guess. Andrew's going to Europe on Tuesday for a week and a half. He'll be back in time for my next and last "bad weekend after chemo". Thank goodness this is almost done. I'm pretty sick of chemo and being bald and co-ordinating hats/scarves with my clothes.


Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Too Much Testosterone!!

OMG! I must say there was way too much testosterone in my house this weekend. Here's what happened:

Scott came home Friday. He mentioned something about a bet he and his friend, Nate, had made. Now, Nate is Scott's gambling buddy, bowling buddy, basketball buddy...that kind of friend. And he's Canadian to boot! Nice kid, in general. Anyway, turns out the bet is that Scott is supposed to do 5 push-ups every 5 minutes for 8 hours. I'm not great at math (which is why I married an accountant) so I don't know exactly how many push-ups that is but I do know it's a lot. I didn't think they'd actually do it but at noon? Scott and I are sitting at the computer table. I'm on one computer, he's on the other and all of a sudden he gets down and does 5 push-ups......five minutes later, another 5 push-ups. Well, this is just the beginning.

Within fifteen minutes, Nate is over at our house. Every five minutes Scott's down doing push-ups. They're playing online poker together and talking sports. The two of them are having a great time.

Now, all this time, Andrew's painting doors to our bedroom, Kevin's gone for his daily workout so we've got "manly things" happening all over the place. It was really weird. At one point Nate's at one computer playing online poker. Scott's helping or playing with him. I dunno, but they confer and then Nate makes a move. I'm on the other computer. We're having a little conversation between hands and all of a sudden, Scott's back on the floor doing these push-ups again. No break in the conversation. Seriously, weird.

Then, around 5:00 the two of them suddenly get bored and decide to go play basketball. Off they go and come back 45 minutes later, all sweaty and gross. They've decided Scott has to do 30 push-ups in a certain amount of time to make good on the bet. He does this. Then Kevin decides to get in on the action and he's supposed to do a certain amount of push-ups in a certain amount of time. He misses by one push-up. Andrew's in and out of the house in his paint-covered clothes and by this time? I can see the testosterone in the air!! LOL!!

We ate dinner and off the boys went to meet Jeff and his girlfriend, Chanel, at Winghouse to watch some UFC Fights. More testosterone but I'm glad it was out of my house!!

What a day that was!

It is now 3:30 in the morning. I can't sleep...again. This is becoming a regular thing for me but it's not about chemo drugs, anymore. It's about hot flashes. You know, I used to hear women complain about hot flashes and I'd think "Oh c'mon, how bad can it be?". That's because I was always cold. Well, I gotta tell you, these things? They're freaking powerful. They start around my neck and move into my head. From there it's like a huge fireball that spreads down all the way to my toes. It lasts about 2 minutes and then it slowly disapates. Then, you're left kinda wet and gross but it gets worse. You're kinda wet so what happens then? You get a little chill. This happens about once every half hour and it doesn't seem to let a little sleeping get in the way. Oh no. It happens all night long and is not something to be ignored. Ugh!

I mentioned this to my doctor and she said I can't go on Hormone Replacement Therapy because of my type of cancer but that I can go on anti-depressants to help with the hot flashes. I kind of pooh poohed that away but when I go for chemo on Thursday? I'm walking away with a prescription 'cause I can't take this anymore. I'm exhausted! I'm waking up at least every hour every night. Again...ugh!

Now, I have gone on about the bad things about chemo....losing my hair, eyebrows, hot flashes, nausea, bone pain, muscle pain, losing all sense of taste, heightened sense of smell, tingly fingers, jumpy legs, losing sleep, rashes (did I mention rashes?). There have been some good things, too, though.

#1 I don't have to shave my armpits

#2 Showering doesn't take very long with no shampooing

#3 My skin is really soft. I usually have oily skin with a few blemishes here and there. Chemo dries out your skin so all of a sudden I have normal skin. It's so soft! I love it!

#4 I have really beautiful nails. They're so beautiful they look fake!

#5 The hot flashes gave me an excuse to go on and buy a battery powered fan with Donny's autograph on it!! fan? $5 shipping? $10!!! can you say rip off? LOL!!

#6 When my taste buds "go" for that 4 or 5 days? All I can taste is sweet things so I use that as an excuse to eat Smoothies and entire Vanilla cakes. That's right, I said it - entire Vanilla cakes. Hey!! I'm still Cancergirl....I can do what I want!!

OK, that's it. I'm exhausted and this is way too long.
G'Night Everybody!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Sunny Saturday

So....I hear you Canadians got quite a dumping of snow yesterday, eh? Yah, Yah, it's pretty..... Pretty damned cold!! ROFL!! It was a beautiful sunny day, here in Florida. A little chilly at 70 degrees. I had to wear a fleecy. But no clouds in the sky. Lovely winter day. Oh! Sorry to you Swedish people, too. LOL!! Listen, people! Come visit us! We'd love to share our weather with you but you have to come to us. teehee!!

Wow! Did everyone read the comments section on my previous post? Once again, my comments section takes on a life of it's own. I must say, I don't think this is so much of a religion thing. I mean, I see where Scott's (my middle son) coming from in that it does tend to be stupid religious people saying this stuff. But that doesn't mean all religious people are like that. I've gotten amazing support from my Christian friends. I think people just say "stuff". I don't think they mean to be mean. I think they're just....well, not thinking (or stupid in some cases). I guess my whole thing, here, is to bring up things that people say and then hope my readers take something from that. Here are things not to say to people who have cancer:

- "I'm so sorry". If you have to say "I'm sorry" add on the words "this happened to you" or "you have to go through that". The words "I'm sorry" are always the first thing out of someone's mouth when there's a death in the family. We cancer people. When we hear that we have cancer there's a whole "why me" thing and a touch of "will I die". We don't need the "I'm sorry" thing, too. And besides, what's a good response to that. When you tell someone you have cancer and they say "I'm sorry". What can I say to that. Oh that's ok. Nope. Yah me too. Well, duh! So what can you say? How about "Oh that sucks" or "Oh wow. If there's anything you need please call me".

- "God never gives you more than you can handle". OMG!! If I hear this one more time I will fucking scream. I'm serious. I don't think my mutated cancer cells have anything to do with God just as I don't think Kevin's broken leg or our other multiple injuries have anything to do with God. I honestly think I took the pill too long or, maybe, it's in my gene pool (my grandmother died of breast cancer 30 years ago). God? I just don't think God's standing around doling out crap like cancer or watching who should die in a car crash. God is light, to me. God is hope, to me. Besides, if God never gave us more than we could handle? Why do people commit suicide? The answer? It's not God giving us's life.

- "Maybe you got this so that you'll appreciate/cherish life more". Well, I've already addressed this one. And, actually, I don't even know that this has anything to do with religion. But...people who say this to me? Well, they obviously don't know me. I've always been outlandishly optimistic. I love life. Also, I've already been through my share of crap, healthwise, and I've spent way too much time in hospitals and wheelchairs already and I sure as hell didn't need cancer to appreciate/cherish life anymore than I already do.

So...I hope that clears some "things" up. I just want to comment on Scott's comments.
#1 I love that you comment, Scotty. I love that you feel so strongly about your opinions and I encourage you to continue to comment and have opinions. You are very educated on many many religions. I don't think I've met anyone who's read so much about various religions and knows the history of so many different religions. I learn things from you every time we discuss it. I don't always agree with your views but I really respect your knowledge.
#2 I think it's really hard for my kids to watch this happening to their mom. It's scary. Can you imagine waking up to or walking in the front door to a bald mother who's sometimes very sick? It must be very disconcerting. And then, to know that stupid people are saying stupid things to her? I think I would rant, too. Think about how much you love your mother and how frustrating this situation would be. I also love the response to his comment. I don't agree with either of you but I love that these comments were posted.
#3 My Scotty loves to stir things up and I do encourage him. I love that he has opinions and that he comments on my blog. Keep it up, baby! People who have opinions are so much more interesting to be around. The person who responded is one of them, too. Oh, how I wish who anonymous is. I appreciate you, whoever you are.

I loved my sister, Karen's, comment on religion. She said "Religion is personal. If you don't like it fine. It's not worth a rant. Try to remember that this is what has always been the basis of major conflicts and WAR." Oh, smart girl! It really is personal and I'm betting what I believe some others believe and some will think I'm going to hell for believing. That's a whole other subject, though, isn't it? LOL!!

On a lighter note, Karen also said "Going to Dairy Queen, eh?? I guess you forgot to tell everyone that you BLACKMAILED us into taking you! HA HA HA". Well.....that did slip my mind, at the time. Really, it did. And, Karen, I don't think I blackmailed you for the Dairy Queen, anyway, did I? I'm pretty sure your blackmail was to take me to "The Donut Shop" or to take me down the street to talk to that cute boy Jay or get me a ride in the Commers van or take me roller skating with you or hang out with you and Allanah and your totally cool friends who said the "f" word. I had different blackmails for each one of you. Well? You shouldn't have given me the ammunition! ROFL!!

Oh and I should add roller skating with my sisters and brother to the cherish list. I can't hear "we are family" or any Michael Jackson song from "Off the Wall" without thinking of roller skating and knowing that it was so fun and that I was so pathetic at it and you two looked so smooth. Oh! By the way...I really thought some roller skating expert would come and see the two of you and you'd get to go be professional roller skaters and make us all rich. See? I didn't just think that stuff for me...or even just think it in my childhood. I was 16 when I thought this. ROFL!!! I'm so weird!!

OK! This has certainly been long enough. An update on how I'm feeling - I'm feeling pretty good. I had my Herceptin treatment on Thursday. It's pretty quick - about 45 minutes. Oh! You know what? All this time this is how it goes: I go in and they prep my port for insertion. Then they insert the "thingy" into the port. It hurts but not in a "holy shit!" kinda way. More in a "ouchy wa wa" kinda way. You know? OK, so on Thursday, I'm being kinda whiny. I'm kinda sick of going to this place and I'm sick of being stared at (yah, that's still happening) and I'm sick of having this ugly fucking port and I'm just really sick of cancer. So, they tell me that there's a freezing spray they could have been using all this time. I was like "Why didn't you tell me this before?" And they say "You weren't such a wimp before." Shit! I shoulda been a whiny wimp all this time and not the stoic "I'll get through this" person I've been. So from now on I'm gonna make them do the spray. It was wayyyy better!

On the physical side? I now have to draw on my own eyebrows. I'm not very good at it so if anyone sees me and my eyebrows aren't even? Please tell me. LOL!!

Kim, thanks for all the cards. I can't tell you how much they mean to me. Lifts my spirits every time I get one!!

I also want to add a personal note: Helga, call me if you want. You can't say anything I haven't thought or said. It's scary and only someone who's been through it can know what you're going through. I had a conversation with my friend's mom and it was the best thing I could have done. Or...find someone who's going through it or has gone through it and talk. I didn't think it would help me but it really, really did. We are now in a club that we don't want to be in and it fucking sucks. It really fucking sucks. I know. I would give anything not to be in this club. Hang in there.

Take care everyone!