Monday, December 31, 2007

Some Days Are For Crying

These past two days (Saturday and Sunday) were spent crying. Non-stop crying. I actually thought I might be having a mental break down I cried so much.

I had chemo on Thursday and immediately felt yucky. Woke up Friday feeling yucky. This really threw me because for the past 3 treatments I've been ok on Friday. By the time I woke up on Saturday morning I felt like shit. The more I got into the day the shittier I felt. And...the sadder. Andrew had a lunch meeting he had to go to so I was left at home with the boys for about 4 hours. Now, my boys, as spectacular as they are, are boys. And so they should be. I don't like to moan and groan to them. That, to me, would not be fair. So I slept lots and felt shitty and got sadder with every passing moment.

Well, by Sunday morning? I was a wreck. I felt like crap. Here's the scenario. Nausea happens. They have pills for that, right? I've explained that before. What I didn't mention is that the pills:
#1 make you tired. Very tired. Take a nap for 3 hours tired.

#2 make you constipated. Very constipated. Cry constipated.

So...I try really hard not to take the nausea pills if I can help it. Well, if I don't take the nausea pills I feel like crap. If I do? I can't crap. Got it? Lovely, eh?

So, Sunday I'm feeling like crap and it all hits me. I'm only half way through chemo and I still have a year of herceptin left and 6 weeks of radiation (every fucking day for six fucking weeks) and I don't want to do this. I'm serious. I don't want to do this. I started getting a little hysterical. My men don't know what to do.

Here's what happens when a woman cries. First the men around her look at her. Just look at her. With this look on their face that says "Why is she crying and did I cause it?". Then, when they realize they didn't cause it? They want to make it go away. Just make it freaking go away!! So...they start with questions and answers. They try to "solve" the problem. This just makes it worse 'cause sometimes? You just have to cry. My poor men! They were so wonderful. I'm sitting there crying saying "That's it, I'm done. I can't do this anymore! Why are they poisoning me with chemo when I feel like I should be eating well and exercising and doing yoga and eating flax seed and broccoli and spinach?" And they're standing/sitting there looking at me not knowing what to do. I mean, really, what can they do?

Anyway, this went on all day yesterday. The crying.

This morning? my opinion actually has not changed. I really feel done with this. Now, don't get all panicky, people. What I mean is? I want to ask more questions. In my mind, right now, the chemo doesn't make any sense. I feel so unhealthy. When I feel nauseous eating well/nutritiously is the last thing on my mind. All I want is something soothing - usually in the form of some simple carb like white bread or a baby cookie. Well, that's not healthy is it? And exercise? I'm lucky to make it from the bedroom to the bathroom without feeling tired and crappy let alone getting out and walking. I dunno, this just doesn't seem like the best path to be on. It just doesn't. And then? A year of herceptin? Why? That will be my question? And then? 6 weeks of radiation? Again..why? I want the stats again on just how much this will do for me. I mean, after all this chemo why do I need radiation, too? It's not like they found the cancer in the lymph nodes, for Pete's sake.

Anyway, can you tell I'm in a bad mood and am not a happy camper?

So....I'm not asking any of you for advice and, frankly, would prefer not to have it. I know I sound bitchy but I just can't deal with other people's opinion's right now. I have an appointment on Thursday with the oncologist. She wants to go over the next protocol of chemo (a drug called taxol) and what it does and the side effects and she wants to talk about the herceptin. So...I'm not saying I'm done with chemo but I am saying I'm really fed up and have questions. Andrew will support me with whatever decision I make and will help me make it.

I hope everyone has a nice New Year's Eve. We're staying home. Cooking some steak and mushrooms and popping some nice Asti Spumanti and thanking our lucky stars we have a wonderful family and great friends. Happy New Year's Everyone!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Christmas Gone...Onto Chemo #4

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. Ours was lovely. Lots of cooking. Some present opening. I made a major faux pas. As most of you know, Santa doesn't fill adult stockings so Andrew & I fill each others. Well, one day we were out at Walmart & I kept picking little things up and saying "put this in my stocking". For some reason, I thought he had done the same. Turns out? Not so much! So....my poor man had one CD in his stocking and I grabbed a tangerine to fill it out a little more. I felt so guilty! But? I had some lovely things in my stocking! ROFL!!

The boys all did well. Kevin got an Ipod and a new sword, Scott got new skates and another guitar hero, Jeff got a bunch of fraternity clothes and gift cards, Andrew got a Lightening Jersey. Me? Andrew & I gave each other (and mom and dad) tickets to an Alan Jackson concert. The boys gave me, for my birthday and Christmas combined, a small pond in the backyard. I'm very excited about it. We went and got some of the stuff they need to get started and Kevin started digging the hole yesterday. It's the beginning of our landscape design for the backyard. Of course, money will decide how far we get, in the end, but I'm hoping for a more enjoyable backyard (which won't be hard since there's nothing back there right now except a lot of weeds!).

Christmas day we had Mom & Dad and The Halls for dinner. Again, very nice. The Halls are like family, now, so we can joke with them, enjoy them, just like family. I decided to change dinner up a little. We end up having the same dinner for Thanksgiving as for Christmas. Now, that was fine when we lived in Canada because those two dinners are a couple of months apart. But, now that we're in The States I find it redundant. So...I decided to try twice baked potatoes....for the first time! Listen, we had them on the sailboat this past weekend (Jean made them and said they were easy and she's a big liar - or a better cook!) and they were sooo good! I decided to try them for our dinner. Well, what a mistake. There's gotta be a trick to these things 'cause mine? Came out too garlicky, too cheesy and too gloppy. Is that a word? gloppy? Well, how 'bout too starchy? Anyway, they were yucky. A big fat flop. On Christmas day! Lesson? Don't try a new recipe on Christmas Day.

Now on to Chemo talk. I'm doing my fourth chemo this afternoon. That means I'm halfway through. I'll also be "done" with the first type of drug. They give you one type for the first four times and a different one for the second four. Apparently, the nausea for the second four isn't as bad but you do get more "pains" from the second four. We'll see.

Anyway, I was in the shower yesterday staring down at this new body that just won't let me forget I'm doing this damn treatment. First off, you know when you get in the shower and the first thing you do is lean your head back to get your hair wet? Well, still, after all these weeks, I lean back and put my hands up to move my hair around to get it all wet. Hello! I have no hair. Freaks me out every time. Now? I will talk about "other" hair. Listen, I got kinda excited at the prospect of "all" my hair falling out. Legs with no hair. Upper lip with no hair. Armpits with no hair. Well, apparently? The legs and upper lip didn't get the memo. Ugh! How the hell can my upper lip not get the memo but my eyebrows and my entire freaking head got it? Weird. Just weird.

Well, that's all for today. Wish me luck on my chemo!

TTFN!

Monday, December 24, 2007

Great Weekend!

We had a great weekend!

Friday night we were supposed to go see Jim Brickman in concert. That fell through so we ended up sitting at home doing nothing. Just what we needed. Perfect.

Saturday we went over to the west coast to see Trevor and Jean Johnson. Trevor was Andrew's boss at Risdon many moons ago. Very important to stay in contact with special people from the past. Anyway, Jean and Trevor live on their sailboat. I really didn't know what to expect. We started out on a dinghy going out to the boat. The boat is in a marina but not at the dock - out about 100 yards out so you take a dinghy to get to the boat. We ate and drank and chatted and went out on the dinghy to a park and took a walk on the beach and ate and drank and chatted some more. A manatee showed up. Lots of dolphins wandered by. Really nice.

I don't think I could do what they do. Live on a boat. I admire them, though. It really takes a lot of hard work, persistence and knowledge. They head to The Bahamas just after New Years. It's only about 12 hours of sailing from Miami to The Bahamas. I didn't know that. Makes sense, though, since my flight was only 45 minutes. I'm a little jealous, too. They just take care of themselves out there. That would be nice to just take care of yourself for awhile. But, again, I don't think I could do it. I need my kids and parents and extended family and friends way too much. I need to connect with you people that I love so much.

I'm excited about Christmas. Today (Christmas Eve) we always eat exactly the same things (chicken wings, nacho dip that Kevin makes, spinach dip in pumpernickel bread and Andrew insists on veggies and dip to make it look at least a little healthy). Every year. We may go to a movie. We may stay home and watch White Christmas (Sisters, sisters, never such devoted sisters...Caring, sharing, every little thing that we are wearing....). Then, Christmas we open presents (we don't do Christmas big - everyone gets one thing from each other plus stockings) and spend the day together. Turkey dinner. Mom and Dad and The Halls are coming over. Lovely. Low key.

This is going to be a great time for me - healthwise - too. I'm in my period of feeling good and chipper. Yey! It'll be much better than Thanksgiving, thank goodness!

Have a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas, All!!

Friday, December 21, 2007

What a Dilemma!!

And the dilemma is....who do I cheer for? I come across this same problem year after year. As most of you know I'm a huge Toronto Maple Leafs fan. Have been forever! That's a long time, people!! Then, when we moved to Tampa, it's really easy to get tickets to the games. And not expensive for really good seats, either (well, if you don't eat that is - more on that later). So I became a Lightening fan, too.

Problem comes? When they play each other. Who do I cheer for? I've seen them play each other three times. First time, I wore my Leafs Jersey. Cheered for my Leafies but? It just didn't feel right. Cheering against my Lightening boys. It was just wrong. So...the next time I went to see them play I wore my Lightening Jersey. Well, that was just wrong, too. Cheering against my Leafies (especially that cute Matts Sundin whom I love!). My team who I've loved forever.

I must add an aside, here. You know, it's hard being a Leafs fan. I mean. I love them and all, but seriously! They haven't been the winningest team around, you know? So, in order to be a Leafs fan? You really have to love this team 'cause it would be really easy to toss them aside and just be a Lightening fan who have a Stanley Cup under their belts in my lifetime whereas the Leafs? Well? I haven't gotten the satisfaction of seeing them win a Stanley Cup, ya know?

Anyway, I digress. So, you know what I did last night? I cheered for both teams. I wore my Lightening jersey and took my Leafs towels (I wanted to take my Leafs jersey but Scott said that would be "dumb" and who wants to be dumb, ya know?) and when my Leafies scored? I cheered and waved my towel! And when my Lightening scored (more than the Leafies)? I jumped up and down and high fived and hooted and hollered!! It was so fun! Especially when my Brad Richards and my Matts were both on the ice at the same time! Facing off against each other! Heaven!!

Ticketwise. We got 4 tickets for $150 about 18 rows up from the ice in the nice padded seats. Nice.

Foodwise. Jeez! We spent $60 on 4 cheeseburgers and 2 fries and 1 water, 1 pop and a small beer at 5 Guys. It was good food but holy cow! It shocked me. Literally. She says the total and I went "What? Holy Cow!" She must get that a lot 'cause she just smiled.

So, that was our night last night. As an aside I will say again. People sure can stare at a girl in a hat. I wore my cute pink fuzzy hat and, man! People can be so rude! It just makes me uncomfortable to go out in public. And? It makes me want to whip off the hat so badly. Now that would really shock them and be way more comfortable for me. It'll happen, I'm betting. It's gonna take: Me? in a bad mood. Them? probably an adult staring - someone who should really really know better. And then? I'm gonna whip off whatever's on my head and say something. I don't know what, but something.

Anyway, peeps. Have a great day today!
TTFN!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Our Christmas Card

Go see our Christmas Card! Many of you have received it via e-mail but if you haven't? It's really funny! Laugh Out Loud funny!

http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/view/9fsc74WKuJrFlNgRUo3990Zh

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Mixed Feelings Today

I'm feeling very mixed today.

I woke up with this weird feeling in my legs. Similar to sciatica but not as painful. I'd have to call it restless leg syndrome. You know. The one you see on the tv and didn't believe people really get? I think I have it. As long as I sit upright (I'm not feeling well/strong enough for that) it's ok but as soon as I sit back or lie down I feel like I have to keep moving my feet/legs except that I'm not feeling strong enough to do it. It probably has something to do with the needle they give me to keep my white blood cell count up. I know that can give me pain in the bones so maybe this has something to do with that. I dunno.

I also feel like I have a "burned tongue". You know when you drink hot chocolate when it's too hot and you get the tip of your tongue burned? I'm pretty sure chemo has done that to me. Now that's a weird feeling. To think that these chemicals they pump into me burn my tongue. Weird.

I'm also feeling very "why me-ish" today. I'm wallowing. I hate this chemo shit. I really hate it. I mean, talk about taking everything feminine about me and bashing it? First my boob - indented. I know, I know. Y'all get uncomfortable hearing about it. Well, imagine living with it? Every time I take a shower there it is. Then...I lose my hair. Well, that just fucking sucks, ok? I hate that. And...now I have this stupid port. It has become less uncomfortable but I must say, I always know it's there - by feel and...it's sticking out of my chest!! There it is. A bump in my chest. This really bugs me because #1? not attractive. #2? It's really messing with my fashion statements. I like to wear v-necks. Occasionally? A little cleavage is nice. Now? Not a fricking chance in hell of that. Ugh!

So...today finds me wallowing...but...I'm also excited.

We have a huge weekend coming up and I'm so excited!! First....drum roll please.....The Leafs and The Lightning are playing in Tampa on Thursday night! My two favourite teams!! You know, this is a win-win situation for me. Every single goal that's scored is scored by my favourite team! I've decided to wear the Lightening Jersey and bring the Leafs Jersey and when the Lightening scores? I cheer!! When the Leafs score? I cheer and wave my Leafs Jersey around. Seriously....what's better than that?

Then...Friday night, we're going to see Jim Brickman. Most of you probably haven't heard of him. He's a pianist/song writer. He plays so beautifully and my friend Jimmy knows someone who's getting us tickets. It will be very romantic. I was just saying last night as we were decorating the Christmas tree how I miss going to Christmas concerts and then realized that Jim Brickman is a Christmas concert so I'll get to go to one and snuggle up with my honey. Sing it with me here, people....Heaven, I'm in Heaven, And my heart beats so that I can hardly......ahhhh

Then....Saturday morning we're heading to the east coast. Just Andrew & I. We're going to visit some old friends from Canada (Barrie). Ok, here's the story. Way back in 1990 Andrew started with a company called Risdon. His boss was a guy named Trevor. He turned out to play a huge role in Andrew's career and lead Andrew to participate in various departments in the company, not just accounting. He gave Andrew great advice and was a mentor in many ways. We moved to Connecticut and then down here to Florida and have kept in touch with Trevor over the years. Well, Trevor - get this - lives on a sailboat, now. Seriously. The guy lives on a sailboat with his partner/wife?, I'm not sure if they're married but they must be wildly in love to live on a sailboat together, right? Anyway, they live on this sailboat and are currently off the east coast of Florida. So, Andrew and I are going to go spend Saturday and Saturday night on their boat with them. This does present some concern for me as I have been known to get motion sick but I'm going to take my little wrist bands and hope for the best. If I'm nauseous, I'm sure there's a hotel that I can go to. But...this is big for us because #1? we get to see Trevor and Jean whom we have not seen for years and years (dying to see just how far back his forehead goes, now! ROFL!!) #2? Andrew has mentioned from time to time that this might be something we could do in the future. So...now I can ask a lot of questions and see if it's something to consider.

Then....Christmas and all the joy that comes with it. I'm going to be on my "good days" through Christmas which brings me such joy, in itself!!

Then...Fucking Chemo.

So...as you can see? I'm like a little roller coaster wandering my way down the tracks. One second I'm up the next I'm down. So mixed. So frustrated. So difficult to be this way when that's not, actually, how I live my life. I'm so used to being up most of the time. Don't get me wrong...I'm not a Pollyanna but, I do tend to be an optimist and this mixed emotion thing is difficult to handle.

I'm sure by the end of the day I'll be fine but for now I think I'll go shower and try to pull myself out of the funk.

TTFN peeps!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Nice Birthday!

It's Sunday morning.

I had a nice birthday. It would have been great except I only got to see my honey for an hour of the day. It all started at 2am Saturday morning. The phone rang. It was Delta Airlines telling Andrew (who was in Germany at the airport!!) that his flight to Atlanta is delayed. Ugh! Well, I'm awake now so I call him in Dusseldorf to pass on this info that he already knew. He was pretty funny with "What are you doing awake? It's the middle of the night for you!" He won't give the home number as a contact number ever again. So, I get off the phone with him and can't sleep so on goes the tv. I watch a really bad movie called Duets with Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis. Gets me to sleep very quickly. Thank goodness for bad movies in the middle of the night!!

I wake up Saturday morning. My parents call me singing Happy Birthday. Christy and Jill came over and brought me dinner for that night, a basket of wonderful "girl stuff", and a coffee coolata from Dunkin' Donuts. Yummo!!! Then, Deb calls and she and Austin sing me Happy Birthday, Mrs. Callin calls, Hilary calls, my parents come over with my horoscope for the year and a card that sings Kokomo...I loved it - made me laugh out loud. Andrew had sent a bouquet of flowers on Friday with a balloon, Debbie send me a bouquet of flowers that are all pinky and wonderful, Karen called.....Kim and Steve called but I was in bed by then.

A very busy day, all around. I felt ok all day up until about 4pm. Then? I crashed. I felt very nauseous and whiny. Andrew didn't end up getting home until about 9:30. I had slept for a few hours prior to his arrival so I stayed awake for about an hour to chat but ended up crashing again for the night. This chemo really makes my body so tired. But...I was doing great up until 4pm on Saturday so I think that's great.

So now it's Sunday morning. Feeling a little nauseous but trying not to take the anti-nausea pills. They make me sleepy and I want to see Andrew as much as I can. It's a fine line I walk between taking all these pills. I know that if I take the anti-nausea pill I'll sleep at least 2 hours. If I don't take it, how nauseous do I get before I take it? It's just a balancing act.

So, all-in-all I had a good birthday and I'm having a good weekend.

Here's my horoscope for the year (and Donny's since, he too, is a Sagittarius):

You definitely think big. You have a natural feeling for power. In large measure, this is because you are an optimist, and you're also well-liked. You know how to make others feel good. Your year ahead is exciting because it's the beginning of a new cycle for you. Open any door.

My take on this?

That door I open? Donny's bedroom door!! ROFL!! I am so kidding on this - but only just recently (since Andrew shaved his damn head!). The new cycle is that I'm now going to let Donny just be married to his darn wife Debbie (ya, ya, I'm happy for them...but as you've all noticed I had 3 boys and would have made just as good a wife for him!!) and I won't be bitter (well, maybe a little bitter) and I'll stay with Andrew forever and ever. Good thing he's so cute, eh? teehee.

Well, that's all for now. Everyone have a great Sunday. I hear ya'll had a big dumping of snow and ice up in Canada and New York so stay safe, people!! I love you all!

TTFN from sunny Florida where it's 70 degrees today - kinda cold for us! - yes I'm bragging!! ROFL!!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Chemo Day Again - Ugh!

I hate Chemo Day. It's not the Chemo itself. The process is neither pleasant nor unpleasant. It is what it is. I go in, they check my blood to make sure my "counts" are ok and they hook me up through my port (which doesn't hurt) to the chemo. It's not horrible. It's ugh. Ugh as in "I wish I didn't have to do this." Ugh as in "Why me?" Ugh as in "Where's the exit?". That ugh.

My birthday's on Saturday. Christy called me last night and she and Jill are going to come over Saturday morning to spend a couple of hours visiting. They know Andrew's out of town so that's just sweet of them. Then Andrew gets back into town around 6:00 that night. That's the start of my "feel like crap" days so I've requested no cake. It would kill me to have cake in the house and not want to eat it...worse yet....I'd have no control, eat it and feel even worse. Another ugh. LOL!!

Oh! I don't think I mentioned Tuesday night on here. Oh! My heart soared on Tuesday night. My dad coaches a hockey team. He called and requested that Scott come with him so he could show the guys what he wants them to do and help out on the ice. I asked if Kevin could go and skate on the ice and he said sure. So...I went along. It was Kevin's first time on the ice since he broke his leg. He was pretty tentative at first but by the end he was skating around pretty well. It'll take some time but it was really exciting to see him back on the ice. He went down to the end where "it" happened and I thought it would kinda freak him out but he said it was fine. Freaked me out. Scotty helped coach and....wow! That kid is skating beautifully!! He's changed his whole stride and, man! He's faster than ever! My heart swelled with pride and I got all teary eyed being back in the rink. I love watching my kids more than anything in the whole world. I know you other mommas reading this know exactly what I mean!!

Well, that's all for today. I'll wander through the day, until chemo, with an ugh feeling in my stomach, knowing that I'll feel like crap for the next five days. Ugh.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

A More Positive Post Than This Mornings

I just realized that I never showed my pictures from Deb's 40th Birthday Weekend in Bahamas. So here they are!

This is our last night. It had rained all day which meant we spent most of the day drinking by the bar with the other guests - mostly Canadian. By this time I was "ehing" with the rest of them! LOL!!
The chef with the white hat came out to say Happy Birthday to Deb. Then....he actually serenaded her!! He was an amazing singer so we got a group shot. It's my favourite shot of the whole trip cause I was having a "good hair nite" and I look pretty thin - there ya go - good picture = good hair and thin!! LOL!!

This was the first night. Two of the girls stayed back at the hotel that night. Too bad for them 'cause this was the best night of the whole trip. We danced and danced and danced. That's my best friend beside me - the tall one. Her names Debbie and I love her. Great hair that night, eh Deb? wow! We shoulda taken more pictures! LOL!!

I had a great day today. No stares. No "weird smiles" just a great day. Hope you had a great day, too!
TTFN!!

Talky Tuesday

Wow!! My message area has taken on a life of it's own! If you're reading this blog you really should go to the message area and read the comments. Many are from my family - which makes everyone realize where I get my "crazy" from! LOL!!! I love it!!

I am feeling sooooo good! I have so much energy and I'm sleeping all night. Back to normal till Thursday when it's C-Day, again.

Scotty came home for the Christmas break yesterday. I love when my kids come home. By the time Christmas break is over, I'll love when my kids go back to school...but for now? Looking forward to Saturday because by then? All my boys, including Andrew (who's in Germany right now) and Jeff (who comes home Friday) will be home. They all make me so happy. I was going to say they make me feel normal but since they remind me on a minute by minute basis that I'm crazy, I guess I can't say that. Again, read the comment section - right from my sisters, Kim and Karen, to my boys and that, in itself, is explanation of my craziness. ROFL!!

OK, so I'm going to get bitchy here and here's my observations. Saturday. Andrew & I go to Walmart and the mall. We had some errands to do before he left. My God! People are so weird. I was wearing a very nice scarf (Coach knockoff). People stare. People smile this odd smile - I swear they're thinking "Gee, it's too bad you're dying." The staring is the worst. Kevin and I went to the movies Saturday afternoon and when I went into the bathroom people, literally, stopped taking and washing their hands to stare. This isn't my imagination, people! I swear. When we left? One woman actually openly stared at me with a dropped jaw. WTF!!! I felt like whipping off my scarf and revealing the bald head but I would have gotten cold (this bald head thing is cold!) so I didn't but I did say - loudly - "I guess I'm going to have to get used to rude people staring at me. It's just cancer, people! Just cancer! Not catchy." The only other time I've had this happen to me is when I was in a wheelchair with my asthma but, even then, it wasn't quite this rude.

My sister asked what I want people to do. I just want people to ignore me like they usually do. That's all. No staring or sad smiles. Just ignore me. If they really feel compelled to say something it could be "Cancer sucks". And this "I'm sorry" shit. You know what? When someone tells you they have cancer, don't say I'm Sorry. You know why? Because when you say "My grandmother/loved one died" what do people say to you? "Oh, I'm so sorry." So...when someone says "I have cancer" and you say "Oh, I'm so sorry" it feels, as the cancer person, like people think you're dying.

Yes, I think I am very sensitive. I may be over-sensitive. But...I'm also betting I'm not the only cancer person who feels this way. Anywoo, I'm done venting and I have to go do some work, now. So, off I go, in my hat, to go about my day. If you see someone else like me? Just say "cool hat" or something like that. Or...just treat them normal. And...don't feel bad if, when I told you I was diagnosed with cancer, you said "I'm sorry". It's ok. Let's just learn from it. I probably would have said that, before, when I wasn't the cancer person. I'm betting it bothers other cancer people. I'm betting I'm not the only one.

Wow, that was really negative. Sorry! I'm actually not feeling negative, today. Just not looking forward to walking out the door to this reaction on a daily basis.

Anyway, Have a great day, all!
ttfn

Sunday, December 9, 2007

It's Donny's Birthday!!

Oh yes it is.....It's my Donny's Birthday!!




He's 50 today. Can you believe that? 50!


That means he's exactly 5 years and 6 days older than me.....I could still marry him, you know. That's a good age gap but, well, my sweet Andrew did shave his head for me so? I guess I'll stick with him. Poor Andrew. He didn't know that by shaving his head he was sealing his fate! ROFL!!!

Well, with that it's time to announce my birthday present. From Andrew. What would be the very best present I could ask for? You guessed it!
Tickets to the Donny and Marie concert in Vegas!!!
OMG!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!! It's in July and we're going to fly business class (all that traveling for business has paid off with airmiles!) and we're staying a full 6 days....seriously!! What's better than that?!!! So....every time I get sick with this damned chemo all I have to think of is that, in July, I'll be with Donny!! OH!! The tickets? I get to go see the sound check and I'm hoping I can get an autograph. He's still dreamy, you know. I have a past with him too, you know. You see....I touched him once. Yes I did. Hey! Get your head out of the gutter, people! Not like that....on the shoulder while he was running away. Well, not away from me. He was running to the bus. Yes. That sounds better. Anyway, it was at a concert and I pushed through the security guy just as Donny was running through and I touched him on the shoulder and he turned around and said "hey, kid" and kept running. So, it's not like I'm a perfect stranger to him. Oh! and....I stalked him while he was in Toronto. Did I say stalked? No, I didn't mean that. Here's the story...
Just a quick note - On the top picture they're probably singing Yo Yo. Trust me. And...this photo on the left? I had this poster of Donny on my wall when I was a kid and kissed it good night every night. Does that make me sick? No!!

Anyway, on to the story...

He was playing Joseph...as in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat? And Andrew took me to see him. So, I'm sitting in the audience waiting for the show to begin and the lights go down and I hear an announcement..... "The role of Joseph will be played by....." and I have no idea who but it wasn't Donny! What? No Donny? Well, tears just started rolling down my face. No Donny. So we watch the first half and then there's intermission. And, again, the lights go down and another announcement...."The role of Joseph in the second half will be played by Donny Osmond". Yah!! So...at least I got to see the second part - which did not include the scene where he wears hardly any clothes, but, whatever.... Anyway...the show ends and I make Andrew come with me to the stage door. And Andrew says "there's no way he's coming out this door" and I say "of course he is" but, in the end Andrew wanders the building and he's right. Donny goes out a different door and Andrew comes back and tells me but by the time I get over there, he's gone. Ugh...

So, we decide to take the boys to see the show. Donny's in the whole thing so I get to see him half naked. Heaven for me. I don't make them go to the stage door even though I want to but I'm torn 'cause I don't want my poor kids to see their mother freak out. So I don't make them go.

Then, months later Karen (my sister) and I are at my mom and dad's and I mention all this to her and she says "well, let's go now". I'm like "what? really". She says "Yeah, let's go". So we hop in the car and head to Toronto to see Donny. And we stake out where Andrew found him last time - his car with Utah plates is sitting there at the side of the building. And sure enough we wait for an hour or so (OMG, Karen was so patient!) and out he comes and I get a few pictures and off he goes in his car. And I so badly want to follow him down the Gardner but I don't want Karen to think I'm loony so, again, I don't even suggest it.

Well. This time? In Vegas? I'm going to stalk him!! I'm going to hang out at the MGM as often as I can in hopes of seeing him. That's right....I'm going to try to find him and I don't care who knows!!
So...that's my post today. It's all about Donny. Happy Birthday, Donny! my sweetie, honey, dreamboat.....sigh!
She's a little bit country
He's a little bit rock and roll
She's a little bit of Memphis Nashville
With a little bit of Motown in his soul
Don't know if it's good or bad
But I know I love it so
She's a little bit country
And he's a little bit rock and roll.
G'night everybody!!

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Bald is Beautiful!!

Here's another picture of us. I still have some hair on the top of my head but it's spikey and hard so I can hardly wait for it to go away. I don't know if you can tell, but Andrew's head is much bigger than mine. Much. Isn't he cute! Man! I love that man!!




I found a hat that's made from the same material as the socks so I ordered two. Light pink and light blue. This bald thing is cold! Really. Not something I had thought of but I spoke with (follow me, here) one of my best friend's mom, who had breast cancer three years ago and went through similar treatment (chemo drugs were all the same) and is, thus far (knock on wood) cancer free, Jean Young. She mentioned that her head was cold all the time, too. Then, I mentioned it to Kevin yesterday and he said he notices his head is cold when he first shaves it. I dunno, I just never thought of it. Anyway, my point is that I seem to have to have a head covering on all the time so I'm very excited to have found these very soft hats. Phew! That took awhile to get to my point, eh?
Talking with Jean was the highlight of my day, yesterday. It's so nice to talk to someone else in "the club". A club, I might add, that no one wants to join. She understood all my feelings. I told her things I hadn't shared with anyone else and it was so nice to get it off my chest. I think she'll be getting more calls from me. It's just so nice to talk to someone else who had a port, went through chemo, lost her hair, wore a wig. Not normal, everyday activities, you know? Anyway, I hope Jean's reading this....THANK YOU, JEAN!! and...thank you Christy for insisting I talk to her. You're a truly amazing friend and I thank God daily for bringing you into my life. My little ray of sunshine - seriously, anyone who knows her would agree - she's abnormally sweet and full of life...seriously abnormal!! ROFL!!!
I'm very chipper this morning. Definitely appreciating a day when I wake up feeling great and can keep down a wonderful cup o' Joe with French Vanilla cream in it. Woohoo!!
OMG! Andrew and Kevin went to the grocery store last night. They asked if there was anything I'd like. I wanted to treat myself after the "days from hell" so I asked for Vanilla cake. This doesn't thrill them. They don't really like vanilla cake. Me? My fav!! Them? Not so much. So...they come home with this teeny tiny vanilla cake. Just for me!! It's about five inches round with sprinkles on it. So sweet, my men!!
That's all for now.
Have a great day everyone, I know I will!!
ttfn

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Coming Out Of The Dark....Literally

Well, it's 4:30 in the morning so I guess I'm back to the "waking up in the middle of the night" pattern. I gotta say, it's better than the "sleeping for three days in a row" pattern so I'll take it. I'm trying to think of a Jeopardy question here. Would "Alex, I'll take better sleeping patterns for 1000" work? Nah....Guess I'm not that sharp at 4 am. LOL!!

I feel like I'm coming out of a three day fog. I've decided that the anti-nausea pills make me tired so all the sleep makes sense. Just think....I take one of those every 6 hours and two hours after taking one I get sleepy. That's a lot of sleep. I was complaining about losing 4 days every two weeks to my mom. I mean, that's a lot of time. But...then Kim (my sister) posted the message about remembering why I'm doing this and I really have to keep that in focus. I have to focus on the percentages and the better chances that the cancer will never come back that chemo gives me. Focus. Focus. Focus.

I discovered some really great socks. Yes, you heard it...socks. Listen. I love socks. Socks and PJ's. Two of my favourite things. Yesterday, I was wearing my "It's Not Easy Being a Princess" Pj's and these new socks and it was so comfy. Ok, about these socks. They feel like soft air wrapped around my tootsies. So, last night, I've got them on my feet and I'm thinking about how my bristly head is so uncomfortable. Yep, you saw this coming....so I took the socks off my feet and put them under my very uncomfortable head. Ewww? you say? Whatever!! I only wore them inside and it's not like I'm wearing shoes or anything! I'm lying in bed all day. Anyway, seriously, whatever! These socks are so comfortable under my head! I'm going to look for a hat in this material but I don't know what it is. It's light and airy and soft and fuzzy and feels like a cloud. Anyone?

So, that's probably it for excitement around here. Sad, eh? LOL!! Oh! I got a new chair. It was a post-Thanksgiving Day sale called Black Friday. I hate the name of that day. They could come up with something better than that here in the States. And they laugh at Canadians for Boxing Day? Some nerve!! Anyway, the sales are amazing and I got a leather - all leather not just leather front - chair for.....drum roll.......$290. I think. To tell the truth I wasn't that focused on the price - no surprise for those who shop with me - but it was a good deal whatever the price...kinda makes my drum roll a little lame, eh? Anyway it's really comfy and I love it! It's a recliner with a built in back and butt massager. I'm not that interested in the massage but I love the comfort of the recline. As Borat would say, Very Nice.

Ugh!! My head's so itchy!! Now, I can say, I can hardly wait for the stupid stubble to fall out!! Stupid Stubble, stupid stubble. Say that 10 times fast.

We're gearing up for a big weekend here. My bedroom may get painted this weekend. "May", I say. First off, Andrew's going to Germany for the week. He leaves on Saturday the 8th and gets back on the 15th, midday. My birthday. My 45th....I digress...more on that later, I'm sure!! Anyway, he and my parents were going to paint my bedroom to make it into more of a sanctuary than a white room. I'm not a fan of white. So...Andrew bought the paint. A pretty blue. At least I think it's pretty. Now, I'm not known for being a good "colour picker". I generally have to give it at least two or three trys. So, we're supposed to try getting a sampler up before Andrew leaves. It doesn't seem to be happening. He's very busy at work and gets home after 7 pm and I don't have the heart to ask him to paint at that point. More to the point...I've been going to bed at 8:00 so there's no time, anyway. He'd be painting in the dark!! OMG!! Now, just the thought of that is funny!! So...since he reads this blog, I'm thinking it'll get done tonight. You reading this, baby? Tonight? (now, in my head I'm singing the song from West Side Story - you know the one - Tonight, tonight, won't be just any night, tonight's the night my baby paints my room - OK, those might not be the exact words, but you get the picture, eh?) OMG! I am going on about this. Anyway. We'll see if it gets done. My parents are going to do it alone now, since Andrew will be away, and they have to start with the stupid popcorn ceiling. I'll be surprised if they get further than that but we'll see. Not that I'm doubting their talents (don't worry - they don't have a computer this week so they're not reading this) but they're both perfectionists so I'm thinking it'll be slow-going. They may surprise me but I'm doubting it. Oh well, a freshly painted ceiling will be nice, too! ROFL!!!

Oh! It's so nice to have enough energy to giggle to myself while I write this. I really truly feel like I'm coming out of the dark. Those last three days are really dark - not just 'cause my eyes were closed! Silly! No, during those days I hate cancer, chemo and everyone associated with it - the doctor, the nurses, the building. That hate runs deep to hate a building. Now I feel like I'm coming back to normal. Still not feeling the love for the nurse who couldn't get my blood last time I went in - she's not touching me ever again - but I'm getting back to normal.

That's all for now. Going to play Pogo! For those of you who've been calling me, I haven't been ignoring you I just haven't had the energy to call. I'll try to call Wednesday, sometime.

G'Nite Everybody!!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Happy Monday!

As you can see, still no picture of my bald head. We have the technology - we think. It'll come, it'll come. I must say, though, my head isn't actually bald, yet. It's still a very short buzz cut with some bald spots. It's a little uncomfortable in that it's kinda spiky. I can't say "I can hardly wait till I'm completely bald". But...I would like to be more comfortable.

Had a quiet weekend. Friday I went to an insurance appointment in the morning and my Neulesta shot in the afternoon. Wore one of the wigs - I must say, not that comfortable. I actually don't mean this physically. Physically it was fine but I kinda felt like a fraud. Hard to explain but I don't think I'll be a wig girl, much. I've ordered some hats that, I think, will make me more comfortable.

Got an exciting report card from Kevin. Straight A's!! Woohoo!! Way to make a momma happy, Kev!!!

Saturday and Sunday were quiet. The chemo knocks the crap right out of me. I don't return phone calls and I don't do much on the computer. Just too tired. Saturday Andrew & I went to Walmart. I had to get all new makeup. They taught us that at the class I had gone to. Apparently, because the immune system is so very low? Even makeup can be hazardous so I had to learn how to "not double dip" the brushes and sponges and had to get new, non-contaminated makeup. Weird, eh? Then, Andrew got the Christmas lights up outside. Very pretty. Makes me so happy inside. Mom came over and made some of her wonderful beef stew. Perfect for the days when I can't eat much and Andrew and Kevin can just heat it up on the stove and eat when they want. We'll have that tonight for dinner.

Sunday brought some big nausea with it. Yuck. Sunday also brought some sunshine. Jeff and his girlfriend, Chanel, came by for a visit and dinner. Chanel had gotten some frightening news about her grandma so Andrew and I figured she could use a home and some hugs. It worked equally as well for us, too, so I think it was beneficial all around. I ended up sleeping a couple of hours while they were here but they both love Christmas movies and they just quietly watched some tv while I rested. We had a good laugh at dinner. Kevin mentioned how he felt that my head is really small. Then, everyone's looking at my head saying how small my head is. It was really funny. We're all looking in the dining room china cabinet reflection laughing about my head. You'll see when I post a picture. I have a cute, small head. Very funny!

So now it's Monday morning. I'm still exhausted and a little nauseous. I can handle the tired but the nausea? again. yuck is all I have to say about that.

Boring little post, today. I'll get a picture up soon. I just want it to look decent so I have to get up the energy to put on some makeup and with these new techniques to keep the makeup non-contaminated, and not double dipping it's a little frustrating. I'll probably get it done tomorrow.

TTFN!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Busy Day!!

I had chemo today and after that? Went and got my head shaved.

Chemo went very well. Mom and Dad came with me. It was really nice - as nice as chemo can be. We just sat and chatted and before I knew it, it was all done. Easy.

Then I went and got bald. Well, I guess I shouldn't say bald but about as close as you can get. I went and had my head shaved today. The hair was coming out in huge handfuls - not chunks but when I ran my hand through my hair, everywhere, I would get tons of hair coming out in my hands. It was awful. Gross, even. And, I had resorted to wearing my hair in a ponytail, which is just not me, and my hair was so thin and my head hurt. I feel so much better. Like a huge weight has been lifted. Well, really, I had so much hair, I should go weigh myself - I probably lost a pound of hair!! And now I don't have to be obsessed with pulling out my hair by handfuls. Such a relief!!

Then after the head shaving, I tried on both my wigs and she cut the bangs and adjusted each to my head. Very nice.

Then.....Andrew got his head shaved!!! Oh yes he did!!! And, I must say...I have a very sexy bald man on my hands!! Very sexy, indeedy. You know what's really weird is that as they were shaving my head I was shocked at how gray the hair is - the under hair hasn't been coloured so it's really gray. Then, when Andrew was getting his done we were shocked at his hairline. I mean, yes, we know he has a "high hairline" (ROFL!!) but we had no idea it was that....receding.

Anyway, we'll get Kevin to take our picture later and try to post it. Now, I gotta go lie down. I'm exhausted. This was very emotional - although I didn't cry - not a single tear. I'm very proud of myself for that. I think it was because I was really fascinated by my own head. Mesmerized, even. I went to the wig shop to get it done and they do this every day so it was really quite nice. They got us a glass of champagne and it was a little bit of a party atmosphere. You know, starting a new adventure. I look at is like I'm one step closer to the end.

G'Night Everybody!!

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

My Head, Again

I would have to say I am obsessed about my impending baldness. A couple of days ago I actually went looking on the net for pictures of bald people. I found a group that was started by a girl with cancer and they're called "too sexy for my hair". It had lots of pictures of cancer bald people.

Then, last night I went to this seminar called "Look Good Feel Better". It a program for people undergoing cancer treatment and it gives great information like how to pencil in your own eyebrows, how to cover up blotchy skin, how to care for your newly bald head and goes over hair coverings. I got a bag full of free product - $200 worth. Nice. Anyway, there was a woman there who was bald and I couldn't stop looking at her. I kept sneaking glimpses at her bald head. The good thing is that she was used as the model for the wigs and by the end I was looking at her face not her bald head.

Every night I dream about my hair and baldness. This morning I woke up and didn't even want to put my hand to my head for fear there would be hair on my pillow. I made Andrew promise last night that if he sees there's hair on the pillow he'll wake me up so I don't have to face it alone. I feel like I'm living on the edge of looking normal and looking like a person with cancer. I've decided it's almost time. I really have to shave my head, soon. My hair isn't falling out in clumps but when I run my fingers through it many hairs come out in my hand. It's really weird 'cause they're not unhealthy hairs they're full length hairs. Hard to explain but I'm trying. If I could be assured I would lose it this way I would probably wait awhile. I have very thick hair so if I lost even half of it I would still look like the average person wandering around and I'd definitely have more hair than Andrew does. ROFL!!!

Anyway, I'm going to have to do something soon. I vacillate so far on this that while typing the above paragraph, I just added the words almost and soon. I think "today I'll do it" then in the next, literally, minute I think "I'll wait till tomorrow....I'll just hang in there another day".

Another weird side effect I'm having is that the tip of my tongue feels burned. You know when you have a sip of too hot chocolate? That's what it feels like. Weird.

That's all for now. I'll keep everyone posted on my hair thoughts and what I do. Well, not a minute by minute 'cause that would look like this:

now: I'm shaving my hair off today
A minute later: I'm waiting till it all starts falling out in clumps
Another minute later: Maybe I'll shave my hair today
Five minutes later: I gotta shave that hair off today
A second later: Hmmm, Maybe I'll just wait till it falls out in clumps
The mind of a maniac?
Raving Lunatic?
Hair Obsessed woman?
All of the above?

Possibly!! LOL!!

TTFN!
(that's Pooh speak for ta ta for now)

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

My Head

My head feels really weird today. Like the hair is hanging on by a teeny tiny thread. Weird.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Feeling Great!

Feeling great, today! Love it!! The irony would be? Apparently, this is the time when my immune system is low so, even though I feel great? Can't go anywhere. Not to a restaurant, mall, store. I can go for a walk outside so I'll do that this afternoon. Beautiful fall day here in Florida - about 77 degrees, sunny with a little wind. Lovely.

My hair has not yet started to fall out. Not a strand. Weirdly enough, with a low thyroid I'm used to having a lot of hair fall out and that's not even happening right now. My head is so itchy and "tingly" though. I know it'll happen this week so another bridge to cross when I get there. I'll hold out until it starts coming out, though. Then I'll go get it shaved.

That's all for today. Gotta go do some work and make some money so Andrew doesn't start giving me "that look". He's got this look he gives me when he knows I coulda worked and chose not to. I'm writing this while the opossum guy is here. Nothing caught yet. Andrew and I heard them last night right above our bed so he's going to put some traps up there. That means if they get caught? We'll find it hard to sleep tonight 'cause, apparently, they make a lot of noise when they get caged. We'll just go sleep in Jeff's room, I guess, if that happens. I just want them gone.

That's all for now. And remember....She's a little bit country, he's a little bit rock n roll - and they're going to be in Vegas in the spring!! Vegas here I come (I hope)!!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Busy Weekend

This has been a busy weekend.

On Friday we went to the mall and got lots of shopping done. I needed new clothes for the following reasons:

#1 I need clothes that will cover my port. This thing is really not attractive and you can really, really see it. It looks like a huge boil under my skin - yuck! And the worst part is I have to have this thing for an entire year. I'm thankful for it - it will make chemo suck less but...ugly!!

#2 I quit my job and will now be doing most things from my home. I wanted comfy, at home clothes. So I got three velour track suits. One pink (of course), one black and one brown. That should get me through. I also need clothes that aren't tight on the tummy. My tummy still hurts, a little and I think this will be ongoing.

#3 I need chemo clothes. Yuck, eh? chemo clothes, you ask? Yes, well, they have to be able to access the port and you do chemo in your street clothes so button down shirts are the answer. The problem? I'm not a button down shirt type of girl. I don't like them. My momma even bought me a couple on Friday morning and brought them over. First off they're white. I try not to wear white. I admit it, I'm a little bit of a, I hate to say the word slob....messy. I'm kinda messy. Put white on me? Dirty within minutes. So, thanks, momma but...they're gonna have to go back. So I found some t-shirts with buttons part way down and those'll have to do.

So...that was the shopping. Then on Saturday we went down to the beach and out for lunch. Everyone except Scott went so it was close to perfect. Jeff has his girlfriend, Chanel, with him so that was nice. We had to take two cars, now that we've gotten rid of the Suburban. On the way home, Andrew, Hilary (Andrew's sister visiting) and I stopped at the store. When we got home Jeff had shaved his head!! Another one!!!

Listen, I didn't ask these boys to do this. I love that they're doing it, though. I think I've figured out why. It must be horrible having this mother with cancer and not being able to protect her from it or do anything to help. So...I think, this is the only way to show their support. And...I so appreciate it!!! I really thought it would just remind me that I'm going to be bald within days but I just love it. We can be a hairless gang.

So, today we're going shopping for an Ipod. They frown upon using my cell phone at chemo - even if it's just for music because then? People can still call. And they did. I spent half of chemo on the phone. I don't think it went over well so I'm getting an early birthday present of an Ipod today. I'll spend the day downloading songs onto it. Thanks to all who sent me their lists of songs! I'm taking some from every single one!

Have a great day everyone - I gotta find a way to make these posts smaller. They're way too long!

Friday, November 23, 2007

LOVE


WISHING YOU - IN YOUR BUSY
LIFESTYLE SOME TIME FOR RELAXATION
AND REFLECTION AND SLEEP.








GOOD HEALTH WITH EXERCISE










LOTS OF BEAR HUGS















BUT MOST OF ALL .
I WISH YOU THE BLISS OF REAL LOVE












MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE LOVE TO SHARE
HEALTH TO SPARE
AND FRIENDS THAT CARE
BUT WATCH OUT FOR THOSE PENGUINS

Thanksgiving

Hi all!

Happy Thanksgiving one day late.

Well I have had two very active days. First, on Tuesday, we were supposed to pick up Hilary (Andrew's sister) at the airport. It was going to be an easy pick up (yes, she's easy to pick up - ROFL!!! - just kidding!!) at the airport 1/2 hour away. In the morning I get a call that she got to the airport on time for the plane but, apparently, not on time enough. Did you know that some airlines have a cut off point (in this case an hour) and if you arrive after the time they just won't let you check in. She was 50 minutes prior to the flight, no lines at the ticket counter or at customs and, still, no letting her on. So she had to pick another flight and, smartly, she chose one into Orlando.

Now, if Scott had kept to his original plan and been at school (he goes to school in Orlando - about 2 hours away) until Tuesday, he could have picked her up and brought her home. But, oh no, Mr Wonderful (I mean this, he really is wonderful) had come home to surprise me the day before. So, first I had to get my blood work done (yes, I might as well just live at the doctor's office and yes, the blood work was "perfect" - what else would my blood work be, eh?) and then we headed to Orlando. Scott got to drive my new car for the first time (I got a 2005 Suzuki XL7, most importantly it's cute and blue/grey colour) and he liked it. It's peppy and he loved zooming in and out of traffic. I know, as a momma, I should be outraged but the kid drives so much like me. I'm so proud.

Then, the next day was Thanksgiving. Now, this is one week after my first chemo. Up until this point I had been feeling nauseous but thinking, this is a walk in the park if this is all there is. Well, that wasn't all there was. I had a bad day yesterday. It felt like (I'm quoting from my Dr. Marla book here) "my insides felt as if they were bathed in toxic waste, my gut ached, I was nauseated and suddenly overwhelmed by fatigue and weakness". You know, I was expecting this but not so far along. I was expecting it day 4 or 5, not day 7. Anyway, it was a horrible day, for me.

We got up at 5:30 am to get the 28 lbs turkey in. Kevin did the majority of it, Andrew helped and I sat on a stool supervising. By 8 am I felt like crap. It felt like someone had their hands in my tummy squeezing. Sometimes a slow squeeze and sometimes a quick jerky squeeze. Add in nausea and that's what I had. I ended up cancelling a few friends who were going to drop by for appetizers (although Jimmy and his girlfriend Cyrene dropped off a beautiful cornucopia of fall flowers - this is the girl I had never met! amazing!) and spent the day watching other people make the dinner (which sucks for me 'cause this is one dinner I love to make). So I thank the whole family for their individual contributions but I must say special thank-yous to Kevin, Andrew, Hilary and my mom. Kitchen whizzes!! (Can you believe that Kevin can make a 28lb turkey at 17 years old? seriously!!)

So today? Hopefully better. I'm going minute by minute. Hopefully we'll get some shopping in today.

Take care, everyone, and Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

the middle of the night - again

It's the middle of the night, again. No bad dreams for me tonight, though! Yippee!!

I had read that insomnia was a side effect of the anti-nausea pills. I didn't believe it would happen to me, though. I mean, I love sleeping and have never, ever had a problem doing so. But, here I sit at my computer at 3:00 in the morning.

We had an exciting day, here, yesterday. My mom came over to make some stew for us (it's gone, already - OMG, it was the best stew I've ever, ever had!) and change out the bed linens for me so that Hilary would have clean sheets to sleep on. I had gone to my room to lay down for a bit (I get very tired very quickly right now) and I heard the front door open. I thought it was Andrew's voice coming in the door but it wasn't. It was Scott's!!! He came home from college early!! OMG!! I was so excited! I walked fast (no, people, I don't run) over to him and hugged him for a long long time. I love that child so much! He even missed one of his hockey buddy's birthday parties to come home early. Sweet!

Then..my mom knew we have an opossom problem in our attic. I had called for an estimate and was told with "our level of activity it would run over $1000 most likely $2,000". Well, I couldn't really "do" that right now and my mom and been talking to her neighbour who owns a pest control company and he came over this afternoon. For $300 he's going to rid our house of the opossoms!! And....as I type....we've already caught one - I heard it. See? insomnia's good for something, right? So nice to hear it get caught in a cage (live catch, it's called) rather than having sex, that's right - having sex, in my attic. Yes, I heard opossum sex and kept banging on the ceiling with Kevin's cane but they wouldn't stop. ewwwww.....

Then, Andrew and I went to his doctor's appointment. A follow up to his "chemo day 1" ER visit. He just has that thing where you get anxious in a "medical setting". Phew! So, for sure, no more chemo parties for him. Bummer.

Then, we ate all the stew and I was well enough to go on an appointment and sell some insurance.

So, how am I feeling? Everyone's asking, it's all the rage. LOL!! Well, nausea and tired. If I miss taking my anti-nausea pill, it's not a pretty picture (me, in bed, moaning and almost crying, Kevin rubbing my back so I won't barf). I know this because I did this yesterday morning before my mom got here. I was sure I was going to have a good day and not be nauseaus but my body decided otherwise. So, for now I'm just going to take the darned pills. I'm sure my family will be happy to hear that. Tired? Wow. Spaghetti legs if I stay up too long. That'll suck in the next few days with Thanksgiving to prepare.

I'm a control freak in the kitchen. I'll let other people do things but I do like to supervise. Closely. So, this'll be hard for me to let others prepare the meal. I'll probably get the turkey (26 lbs!) ready because I make an awesome turkey, if I do say so myself! (And..if anyone else does it you never know how much cross-contamination will happen - yes, I'm a freak about it and if you saw my messy house you'd think that was not true but...it is) The rest I will leave to others.

That's all for tonight. I'm going to play my pogo games.

G'night Everybody!

Monday, November 19, 2007

It's the middle of the night - for me.

Well, if you look at the time I'm writing this it's after midnight on Sunday night. I'm awake. Most of you who really know me would be shocked at this because I'm a 10 to 10 girl. That's right. There's no shame in it - I like to sleep from 10 pm to 10 am and then do it again the next night and every night thereafter. Unfortunately, tonight? I had a nightmare. And...the only way I'm going to get rid of it is to get it out and hopefully, when I go back to bed I'll dream I'm in Whiteland - you'll see, I'll get to it.

So the nightmare. Starts with a bunch of girls (Debbie, my Canadian best friend, is there and Miranda from Grey's Anatomy is there, too). We're getting ready for a girl's night out. We all leave the house at the same time but I end up in a different cab from everyone else. It gets lost and ends up in Cancerland. It's really dark here. The air has a horrible acidic taste and smell and is a wierd colour - all greenish and blackish tinges in it. I go into this mall to get directions and I get swept into the mall by the hordes of other people. They're all ugly and they wear black toques. They have tired eyes that are sunken and hollow looking with black rings around their eyes. They're sweeping me into Cancerland faster and faster, swirling around. I can't get out - I'm in a Cancerland tornado.

Then I get to the center and it's really scary and I have to choose a door. If I don't I die. They'll kill me. I can see the glimmer of their knives and guns. So I pick a door and go through. First I have to play a video game but I'm losing and I can feel their breathe on my neck. So I run from the game and I open another door and it's a grocery store. I know that I have to start feeding this woman - she's homeless and hungry and as long as I'm feeding her I'm safe. So I have a plastic bag full of mashed yams and I start feeding her. I can actually feel her teeth on my fingers as I push the food into her mouth. How gross is that? But I'm running out of food and if I don't keep feeding her I know they'll kill me.

Ends up, the rules of the game are to stay afloat for long enough to get out of the mall. The longer you can stay out of the mall the further you get from it. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I have to stay in the mall for a year and then, for the next five years, as long as my test results come back good I get to move from the center of Cancerland to the suburbs and then to the country and, eventually? I get to move to this place called Whiteland.

Oh! It's a wonderful place! I lived there until late September when I was forced to move to Cancerland. Whiteland is so pretty. It's all white lace and vanilla cake and vanilla icing and french vanilla coffee and vanilla bean ice cream and mountains of cool whip. The people there are pretty and nice. They wear white hats or are just beautiful and everyone wears white, all the time and they never get sick of it and they don't have to stop wearing white at Labour Day and start again in May. It's an all-year fashion and it never gets old. The air is crisp and clean and it snows every day but it's not cold or hot. It's so perfect. That's where I used to live.

So...my goal is to get back there. Being in the center of the mall in Cancerland is very scary, no matter how much support and cheering I have, I'm still alone in Cancerland while my friends are out dancing in Whiteland. Now, I'm going to cry for awhile and go back to my nice warm bed with my amazing husband and hope I can dream something else, for tonight. Ironically, when I awoke from my nightmare, Andrew was still working at his computer and it was 11:30 so I was, in my cancermind, sure he had had a heart attack and was dead at the computer and I just lay in bed, wondering if I should be hysterical to find him this way? calm so as not to disturb Kevin too much? call 911 or just cuddle my dead husband. Of course, when I came out to see him, he was just working away on the computer. I made him come to bed and then cried my eyes out explaining Cancerland and Whiteland to him. This poor man.

PS - I had a pretty good day today. Wasn't too nauseous, went for a car ride at around 2pm and then went for a walk, had a decent dinner but then started feeling crappy around 8pm and went to bed and watched Grey's Anatomy (that's where Miranda comes in, I guess) and then went to sleep. Not bad. Now, if I can just rid myself of this damned Cancerland nightmare and dream of Whiteland.....wish me luck.

G'Night Everybody!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

post chemo day 2

Not doing that great today. Started off ok - at 5 am. WTF?? (that stands for "what the fuck" for you people who don't have teenagers - LOL!!) I just couldn't sleep. Played on the computer, let the dog out, played on the computer, let the dog in, played on the computer, let the dog out....you can see where this is going, eh?

Anyway, around 11 am I started feeling sick. Andrew went grocery shopping. Then he and Kevin went to Dinner Done. Audra sent me a lovely gift bag - Thank you Audra!! You're so sweet! Now, Andrew's out picking Kevin up at the gym and is going to start dinner. I have some anti-nausea pills I can take so they're helping me. I just seem to get it in waves. Weird. But...I must say that if this is the worst of it? I'd be a very happy camper. We'll see. I'll keep updating. Hopefully all the updates won't be this boring.

Oh! I do have a funny story, actually. Andrew & Kev are at Dinner Done. There's a knock at the door. Three college students standing there. One of the boys is actually on his knees with his shoes sticking out and his arms in his shirt (pretending to be a little person). Now, Scott does this all the time. In fact, he's even gotten my poor mother to do it with him (now that's funny!). So...they're trying to sell magazines. I just say no, I have to get back inside. The one kid says, people make fun of me 'cause I'm so short. I say, Well then stand on your feet instead of your knees. They all look shocked and laugh and he stands up and I say, I have kids your age, I know that trick. Well, the smart alek leader says "wow, you must have had them when you were a kid 'cause you only look 33, now." Well, that was a very nice thing for him to say but I didn't get a magazine and sent them on their way.

That's all I can muster today, peeps. Have a great Saturday night!

Friday, November 16, 2007

post chemo day 1

Well, so far so good. Not feeling too bad. A little queasy at times but mostly ok. Went for my shot that boosts the white blood cells - took Kevin with me since he's now so used to hospitals and needles (had a broken femer in the summer with surgery and hospital stay) that it didn't even phase him - and...he used to be way worse than his father!! He used to fight the nurses and they had to hold him down.

So I spent a quiet day...waiting. I'm not even sure what I'm waiting for. Lots of my peeps called me. Nancy dropped in with flowers and chocolate. Oh!! the card from my aunt and uncle etc... said " Thinking of you our dear Cancer Princess". How great is that?

Also I got two t-shirts from my sister Karen. One says "Cancer, you picked the wrong Bitch" and the other one says - on the front "Cancer the ultimate in extreme sports" and then on the back there's a picture of a bald girl lounging on a chaise lounge in a sexy dress and it says chemo girl. Thank you Karen!!!

And...for an anniversary present, Karen did a video for us. I was feeling a little blue today so I watched it for the first time. OMG!! Listen, if anyone wants their pictures and video put onto a DVD format, Karen is the one to do it. I am so impressed!!! Karen, can you put your web page up on the comments section so people can go see your work, please? You are one talented chicky!! Andrew hasn't seen it yet but I'm sure the first song (Puppy Love) will not be lost on him - well, actually, Scotty has the first song. Get this...she starts the video with Scott singing a cute song when he was about 6...does the rest of the dvd including pictures and videos all to great songs that mean something to us and she fades the music out for some video clips and then...it actually ends with Scott singing another song. OMG!! Truly, Karen, you are sooo talented!! I can't say it enough!!

I'm sending Kevin and Andrew to Dinner Done tomorrow to make some meals that go straight from freezer to oven. I used to work there so if I'm well enough I'll go with them. It'd be nice to see them again - another job I had to quit for medical reasons. Ugh!

OK, enough with the whining, here. All in all, I had a good day, mate.

G'nite Everybody!!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Chemo #1

Well, that was a walk in the park but very, very interesting.....read on, my friends, read on.....

So we get there and we're taken right in. I had my mom & dad and Andrew there for my first chemo party. Felt good walking in with my fanclub/entourage!!

First thing they do is prick your finger and take a sample. Then blood pressure (it was high), temperature (it, too, was high) and questions. The doctor came in and she was giving me info and then got up to listen to my breathing. This is when the excitement started. Now, ya'd think it was my breathing, right? Oh no, my dear friends, oh no. Andrew (who was standing up until this time) said to my dad "Don, can I sit down there, please?" My dad gets up and we all look at Andrew and he's ghostly white!! I really mean ghostly - even his lips were white. Well, the doctor leaves me immediately and goes to him, tells the nurse to call 911 and they're all taking his blood pressure (70/40) and getting him to put his head between his knees. Then the EMT's show up and take over and my mom, dad and I are escorted out of the room.

In the end, he was taken to ER and my dad went with him. He gets "woozy" at the sight of blood and I guess that and eating no lunch and being anxious about his beautiful, beloved wife going through chemo got to him. He's fine, now. No problem. After all the tests in the hospital, we also know that his heart is healthy and strong. I have banned him from attending any further chemo parties!! Banned!!!

So, my mom and I went to the chemo room. I was the only one there. They got me all hooked up (this port thing is fabulous!!), it didn't hurt, I didn't feel it, I just sat there and said a little prayer that my friend Ruth wrote for me and welcomed the chemo into my body so it can slay any renegade cells that may have escaped. Then I did some visualization a la pac man. I envisioned pac man running around my body eating up anything bad. My mom went to the pharmacy for some extra nausea drugs and by the time she got back I was finished. It took an hour and 15 minutes. That's it.

We got home and I went to bed to eat some popsicles - the nurse told me to. She also said I should eat ice cream so I'm thinking Dairy Queen!! woohoo!!!! - these are to help prevent mouth sores. I'm just sittin' there watching tv and Kevin appears at my door. OMG!! He had shaved his head!! That gorgeous curly hair - gone!! He did it for me. OK, I'm crying again. That was such an amazing show of support and he had been planning it. His friends from school knew. Wow. And...I can't believe how much he looks like my brother - only Kevin has a chin - I don't say this in a mean way - my brother has a beard for a reason. LOL!!!

Also, today. Right before I left for chemo, a beautiful bouquet of flowers arrived from my Aunt, Uncle, Cousins and their kids and spouses. They are soooo beautiful!! Pink. Lots of pink. Thank you so much, you guys!! I love you!! Can I say what the card said on the blog? Let me know. Really great!

And...I've gotten my first t-shirt with Cancer Sucks on it - well, other than the one I bought myself. This, too, is amazing. It is from a girl I have never even met. I have a friend at work named Jimmy. He's my best friend at work and he has a girlfriend named (sorry if I mess up the spelling!) Cyrene. Previously she made me a flower arrangement and now she sent a teal t-shirt to me. I repeat, I have never even met her!!!!

OK, I gotta go. I have to go have another popsicle and drink lots - oh! Now I get to have pink pee from one of the chemo drugs. They warned me and I love that it's pink.

As Donny and Marie would say,
G'night Everybody!

Just thought I'd point out that Donny's birthday party is in Vegas this weekend so if anyone wants to attend, you probably could. His actual birthday is in 24 days, just so you know. He's a little bit country, she's a little bit rock and roll...you know I know the whole song but there's still time for that.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

We're Rich!

Well, maybe not rich, but we did get a cheque for $5,000 from Scott's online gambling. Nice, eh? Interestingly enough, he can't actually have an account in his own name since he's not 21 yet so I have, in my hot little hands, a cheque, made out to me!! for $5,000. Wonder if he'll ever get his hot little hands on it. Now, I'll have to go in and get the rest.

I tell you, this kid is doing very well on poker. This summer he made more playing poker than at his summer job - well since he kept "forgetting" to go to that summer job that wasn't, actually, a huge deal. LOL!! And now, this winter he's made about, what Scott? $10,000? while he's in school? You know, he's making it very difficult to keep telling him that he can't be a professional poker player. We've come to some sort of an agreement, I think. He's agreed to stay in school and graduate college (as long as he doesn't win a $100,000 tournament) and, when he's done college he can do anything he wants.

Health-wise....I had the port put in on Monday. Now I have these two bumps unders my skin. I tell you, I'm just a beauty, here. I have a big scar on my left boob, another under my left armpit and now these two bumps under my skin just below the collarbone on the right side. Really a beauty. And soon? I'll be bald to top it all off. Do I make you Randy, baby?!! (That's an Austin Powers reference, people!)

Anyway, the port? It hurts. They sent me home with no "good drugs" (as Andrew calls them) - just said to take Tylenol if it becomes uncomfortable. Well, that's the understatement of the year. Mom and dad had some tylenol with codeine that they brought over which is my favourite pain killer. It takes the pain away without me getting all loopy and high. So I took one of those and that worked. Then, I didn't want to use all their pills so I decided to take one of mine. Now, mine are the "big pain drugs" that I have left over from previous surgeries. Big ones like percocet. So, I take one of those and, almost immediately? I'm floating. Now, unfortunately, the pain is still there but my mind gets all loopy and crazy. I think my arms are "floating down the street and I can't catch them because there's too much traffic". I think the dog, because he's not on the bed, which I'm calling a raft, is going to drown. I also couldn't seem to find my mouth with my drink and got soaked and, I swear, the beans I had for dinner? They were jumping around in my hand and I couldn't get them into my mouth unless I opened it really wide. How funny is that? Last time I took those pills I sang Partridge Family and Brady Bunch songs - loudly - so I'm going to try to stay away from them from now on. ROFL!!

Today's my last day at work. I'm happy and sad.

I'm sad because I really loved that job and the people (especially Jimmy) I work with. They are not "typical" insurance agents. These people have hearts so big I can feel their love right through the phone. And, I can sexually harass them and it's ok because, if they're receptive to the harassment? It's totally legal! (We had a seminar on sexual harassment and learned that intesting fact. So now? We sexually harass each other as often as we can even though I'm pretty sure the seminar was supposed to have the opposite effect!!) I'm going to make them rub my bald head, soon! (this may have been an inside joke - don't take offense. We are, after all, still insurance salespeople and can be a little crude at times!)

I'm happy because that means I'm starting chemo tomorrow and I just want to get on with it. I'm ready for this cancer fight. I've got my dukes up and I'm going to punch and kick the shit out of it. I want everyone to remember that the chemo is for preventative purposes. I don't have cancer anywhere else but if I don't do chemo I have a 30% chance of it coming back whereas with chemo that goes down to 15 percent. Then, I'll do radiation, which takes it down even more. And, I'll do herceptin, which takes it down even more so, in the end - I have about a 3 - 5% chance of recurrance in the next five years. Those are ok odds. I'm good with that - way better than 30%, that's for sure.

Well, that's all, for now. I'll update more after the chemo (it's at 2:00 Thursday afternoon if anyone wants to send "good thoughts" my way at that time). Now, I gotta go get ready to Kick Cancer's Ass!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Wig Shopping and a Night out on the Town!!

OMG!! I have had a great weekend!

First off - wig shopping. My mom and I went wig shopping on Friday afternoon. At first it was disturbing. OK, the whole time was disturbing but...it was fun, too. First I picked some wigs I thought would look good. Then, they take you into a separate room for privacy and put a net on your head and you start trying on wigs. The first 3 or 4 were horrible. Horrendous. Scary, even. Then...we figured out the style I needed and it got more fun and they started looking pretty good. The lady was very frustrating, though. We'd find a wig style we liked and it wouldn't come in the colour I need. Then, we'd find a colour I liked but it didn't come in any styles I liked. We left frustrated but knowing that it is possible to have a wig and not look like one of "those women" with a wig. OMG - that lady in the shop, though? You would think, working in a wig shop she would have a great wig but it was bad!! She really is one of "those women" with a wig. And makeup? She could open up a fricking makeup store with the amount she was wearing. Holy cow!!

Then we went for lunch. I ended up spending most of the time on the phone with a nurse from the hospital asking me health questions for the Monday port surgery. Sorry mommy!! But, thanks for lunch. It was delish!!

Mom and I went into the parking lot and said goodbye and we both ended up a bawling mess. We're so mad and sad and scared. It never seems to leave me and I'm so emotional. An emotional mess.

Then, Saturday morning we went wig shopping again. Andrew and Kevin joined us. It was really fun. The owner jokingly offered champagne and I ended up with a mimosa!! He actually went next door and got me some orange juice and made me one! So sweet. Anyway, this shopping trip was much more successful. My sweet momma bought me two wigs. They're really cute. I want one more but I'm going to wait till I'm bald to get it. So now I have two wigs on heads in my kitchen. They have bags over their heads. I just can't look at them, yet. I like them but facing the fact that I'll be wearing a wig in about two weeks is killing me so I'll keep them bagged until I can face it. (apparently, my hair will start falling out 10 to 14 days after chemo)

After wig shopping we went to Olive Garden for lunch and then Andrew and I left for our "night away". We had won the night at a silent auction for Jeff's fraternity so it was "free" - well previously paid for, anyway. We had such fun!! We checked in and then went down to the pool. It's too cold (75) for bathing suits so we sat in the deck chairs, fully clothed, and read and dreamed about our future. The sky was an amazing blue and it was magical. Then we went upstairs and got dressed for dinner and went to the The Palm Restaurant and we had a 3 lb Nova Scotia Lobster each, which were so good. Then we went to this place called the Blue Martini. It was so fun!! There's a band who plays behind the bar. How cool is that? They were good, too. We found a spot to stand and we could watch the band and stand by a table and dance together and people watch because we were right by a spot where everyone had to walk by to get to the bar. There were a lot of bald men!! I'm going to be "in style" soon!! There were also a couple of girls in wigs - now that I know what a wig looks like, I could tell but I wouldn't have known, otherwise. And there were some really, really drunk people to watch!! It was so fun!!

Anyway, we're back home and Andrew's gone to the gym and I'm supposed to be doing some online tests for insurance but I decided to blog first. Actually, I'm supposed to be at one of my best friend's jewelry party but I'm an emotional mess today and I just can't do it. Going through another surgery sucks. Shit, frankly, this whole thing sucks. Chemo sucks. If anyone finds a cute t-shirt that says "chemo princess" or "chemogirl" can you let me know? Especially if it has a bald person on it.

I get my port put in tomorrow and will update everyone on that when I can. Several people have asked what they can do or get for us. So far, we're ok. When "things" come up I'll let y'all know. Debbie, can you let Chris know that I wear the breast cancer pin he got me just about every day? What a sweet, sweet man.

TTFN!!

The wonderful thing about tigger,
Is I'm the only one,
Their tops are made out of rubber,
Their bottomes are made out of spring,
Boing Boing Boing.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Another Test Down....

I've decided to rethink all these tests. I was previously thinking, as the test day would come... "Another test. I'm starting to feel like a pin cushion." Well I've decided to modify my thinking. With each test? I get closer to the end. That's the only way to think about it from now on.

Actually, yesterday's test was nothing. I told him that I really didn't want another IV so I didn't get one. He just injected the "stuff" right into my arm. I have a beautiful vein. One I've been proud of for years. I show it off all the time. It's gotten me through all the c-sections and so many times at the ER for my asthma. I love this vein. Well, again, it helped me out and I love it even more. Weird? Possibly. Whatever...I do love it.

Anyway...I digress. This test yesterday was so easy. It wasn't to see if my heart was strong enough to withstand chemo, afterall. It was kind of like a baseline heart test. I guess some of the chemo drugs - especially the herceptin which I will have for a full year - can do heart damage. It's usually short lived heart damage, which is good (again, ironic, but good). Anyway, they wanted to do a baseline heart test. Then, in another couple of months, they'll do another one to see if the chemo is doing any damage to my heart. If it is, they lay off the chemo for a bit (I don't know what "a bit" is, nor do I want to know - another bridge I'll cross if I have to) until it gets back to normal. They do this over and over and over. Good thing I liked the guy who did it. He said he'll probably be the one to do it everytime. And he's cute, too - Bonus!!

You know what's weird is every time I go for a test at the hospital they marvel at how young I am. This is so nice in such a weird way. I love being told how young I am or look. What woman doesn't like that? So I'm flattered...for a moment. Then, I realise this isn't a compliment. I'm young...to have cancer. Ugh. I've been having some pretty strong ugh moments lately. But I've been told people who have a positive attitude get through this stronger and healthier so here are my positive things:

1) I won't have to wash my hair and style my hair and get my hair cut and highlighted. Now, I know that last part shocks you. Yes, I do get my hair highlighted. Most people think I have naturally gorgeous hair....I do, but I do get some help. Shocked? I know, I know - you'll get over it.

2) When my hair grows back? I will finally know what my real colour is!! I haven't known that for years. I'm really, truly curious as to what colour it will be.

3) I will not have to shave my legs or armpits for months!!!! This, my dear people, is huge!! I could even say fucking huge!!! I hate - with a passion, you can see - shaving anything. Now, listen. I've heard a few comments about me and the "F" word. Listen. I love the "F" word. My mom loves the "F" word, too. My sister Kim? One of her favourite sayings is "Fuck a Duck". It's funny!! And...what other word can you think of that can be used in so many ways - it's a noun, a verb, an adverb. You cannot be upset if I use it...afterall....say it with me, people.....I'm Cancergirl!! I can say anything I want. LMFOA!!!

4) I will get to pencil in my eyebrows. Now, this may sound bad but imagine....just imagine. I could have an angry day. a surprised day. an excited day...all with the shape of my eyebrows. jealous? hmmmmm? I bet you are!!!

5) I get to wear wigs. I can be a red head one day and a platinum blonde the next. I saw a gorgous wig yesterday that was long and curly - you know - the spiral curls I had in the early 90's? I loved that hair!! Can you say Sexy Sandy? Andrew can!!

6) I get cards in the mail. I love getting cards in the mail!!! First off - you know someone's thinking of you and I do like people thinking of me. Second off - some of them are fricking hilarious!! (see how I said fricking instead of fucking. Oh!! Shoot! I said fucking to say I didn't say fucking...damn! I said it again to say that I said fucking. See how this can keep going? I'm on a downhill swing, here, people!! uh oh!!) Again, I digress....I swear I have ADD... anyways...Keep sending the cards, please. One of my favourites is from Debbie telling me how wonderful I am. Do you know how much I love that? Of course, it made me cry - but in a good way. I've been crying so much lately that a good cry is so very welcome.

7) I get to shop. Even though it is for "cancer stuff" - no shopping is bad shopping. I'm going wig shopping on Friday and Saturday with my mom (and Kevin's tagging along on Saturday). This should be fun! I bought myself a "Cancer sucks" hat and t-shirt. I think that is so funny! True...but very funny. If anyone wants to send me anything with "cancer sucks" on it? Feel free!!

8) I've been getting presents. Oh yes! And it's not even my birthday. Mary sent flowers. Mum C sent flowers and a balloon. Kathy from Andrew's office sent a plant. Christy keeps giving me "stuff" including a gift certificate to Bath & Body Works - she is so wonderful!! Jimmy from work's girlfriend made - yes I said made! - a pretty flower arrangement. All fall-like. It's really nice!! Oh!! Jane sent an amazing book!! It's by a Canadian author who went through almost exactly the same thing I'm going through and she's a doctor. It's the best book I could get in these circumstances. A can't put it down book. Thank you, Jane!!!

9) My parents and Christy have offered to paint my bedroom!! OK! This is big. I love this. Now? I have to pick a colour. Christy!! Help me!! (I go to her house and see her walls and get the colour and paint my walls that colour - I've done this twice already and plan on continuing this trend and she doesn't even mind!! Listen, when someone like that comes into your life you gotta love it. I am not good at picking colour and she is)

10) My operation boob is all perky and will be cute when it's finished "filling in". I like it better than my "original" boob. I still love the word boob. boob boob boob boob. It's really a great word. So now I'm going to have to get the original boob "done". A girl can't have mismatched boobs. That would Just be wrong. Unreasonable.

So....that's all I can think of on the goods. Andrew isn't getting me an IPOD. He reminded me that I have one - on my phone. Duh! I forgot. So, I'm going to spend the weekend shopping for wigs and downloading songs onto my phone.

Now, I have to go clean up my house 'cause the cleaning lady's coming today. Now that's ironic.

Have a great day!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Timeline

Thought I'd write a quick update as to my timeline on all my tests.

This Wednesday afternoon I have a test to make sure my heart is strong enough to handle the chemo drugs. ugh - another freaking IV

Monday I have the port put in. ugh - another freaking IV & operation

Thursday, November 15 I start chemo. oh joy, oh bliss. yes, I'm kidding.

My parents are back down. Yippee!!! Makes me feel much better when they're so close. Nice. We went for dinner with them tonight. I just felt peace in my heart. I love them so much!

Mom and I will go shopping for a wig sometime this week. Should be interesting and, hopefully, fun. And...if my mother tells me again how good I look (younger and taller since I lost the weight!) I will just hug her to death! What is better than my momma coming to town and telling me that? Nothing, I tell you! Nothing!!

Andrew's birthday tomorrow. We're going out for a business dinner. I like this. You know, with my birthday so close to Christmas, we've often gone to business X-Mas parties and called them birthday dinners. Once, we went to a seminar and got stuck in an elevator for an hour and while we were in there, the people sang Happy Birthday to me. That was an interesting one. Then, they rescued us through the hatch of the elevator into the shaft. So, this going on a business dinner on his birthday really makes me happy. I don't mean that in a bitchy way....more in a "now you know how I feel" way. I think I do sound bitchy, though. Maybe I am bitchy....ya think? ROFL!!!

That's all for now.
G'night Everybody!!