Monday, September 29, 2008

One Year

Yesterday marked one year (at exactly 5:30) since I found out I had breast cancer. What an anniversary to remember, eh?

It started the end of one existence and the beginning of another. A new norm, I'm told. I'm now part of a club no one wants to be a part of.

I went for my follow-up MRI a week ago and go for my mammogram/ultrasound on Wednesday. To say I'm on pins and needles waiting for the results would be the ultimate understatement. I'm terrified. And no one can say - oh don't worry, it'll be fine. If you do, I'll come through the computer and strangle you. It's just time I'm going to have to pass waiting for the results.

Just pray for me and send your angels my way.

Monday, September 22, 2008

My Boys

The boys came home this weekend and I was very very happy so I think my tiredness and lack of oomph might actually be Empty Nest Doldrums. How much does that suck? I can't even do anything about it. Well, I could break their kneecaps and tie them to the beds but I don't think they'd be as enjoyable like that, you know? LOL!!

The gray sky isn't helping any and the damn dog wanting to be let in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out isn't helping either. Anyone want a dog? ROFL!! I'm kidding!! I love him he's just bugging me, ya know?

Oh, I forgot to mention that I coloured my hair again. I am now back to blonde and loving it.



This is not a political blog. I came across this video and I find it interesting. See for yourself...

Click on the link and watch the video titled WR. Very interesting.


Friday, September 19, 2008

Stepping Into The Ring

My friend, Laurie, who I met at Radiation sent me this. It made me cry in sadness and in victory.

I haven't written lately. I'm not feeling very energetic. I think I'm tired from and of my fight. I don't think I'm depressed I just don't feel like interacting with people, much. I think it's a combination of the realization that I really am fighting for my life and the fact the my kids have all gone to college. I'm not sad they've gone to college. Au contraire. I miss them but I'm not sad. I'm just in a very quiet mood. I know, I know. It takes a lot to make me go quiet. I guess this is it.

I also miss my family and Debbie. It's, actually, worse since I got back from Scott and my trip to Canada. It was a really great trip and I got to spend lots of time with some of my favourite people in the world. Lots of laughing till I almost peed my pants! Maybe it'll get better when my parents get here at the beginning of November. Maybe it'll get better next week when I start my new job. Maybe it'll get better tomorrow when all my boys are home for the weekend.

I dunno. Anyway, watch this video. It's a good one.

ttfn peeps

Thursday, September 11, 2008


Up until seven years ago, September 11 was just my brother-in-law, Randy's birthday. It was the day after my mom's birthday. It was, probably, a day where we had to go to a few soccer practices and get the kids to do their homework. Then, there was that fateful day.

We were living in Connecticut at the time. I took Scott to the dentist or doctor. I don't remember which. It was a beautiful September day. Still warm but not humid. The kind of day you wish could happen every day. I was taking Scott back to school when I heard, on the radio, what was happening. Andrew went into NYC to attend meetings quite often at that time. I didn't really pay attention to when he was going. Just, at the end of the day, in our chat about what we'd done that day, he would mention that he'd gone "into the city". I didn't want to worry Scott (he was in grade 7 at the time, I think) so I didn't mention my concern that his dad might be in NYC and dropped him off at school and drove home - a little faster than I should have. I immediately turned on the tv to see. I then called Andrew on his cell phone. I often wonder why I waited. Why didn't I call him on my cell phone after I dropped Scott off? I know the answer to that now.

When I was waiting for my results from my biopsy, I almost didn't want the call to come. I knew that once I got the phone call confirming it? Life would change. Cancer's one thing. The death of a spouse completely different. And, of course, that's where my mind had gone. So, when I called Andrew and he answer that phone I was so relieved to hear his voice. I asked where he was and he answered that he was in his office, why? He didn't know what was happening. I told him and told him he needs to find a tv and get to it. Just then, the second plane hit the second tower. I yelled out. Shocked. I was relieved that Andrew was ok but knew that many others were not.

The next months living in Connecticut were so sad. Life went on but so much was different. There were so many funerals. Every day for a week or two there were funerals in our little town and the surrounding towns. Everyone knew someone or the relative of someone who had died. We only lived an hour and a half away from NYC so people did commute in and out of the city all the time. It was so awful. I'd go into town on an errand and there was another funeral. I'd take the kids to a school event or soccer practice or hockey practice and someone would know someone who had found out that someone had died. It wasn't all immediate. There was hope for weeks later. People hoping that the person who was in the towers was just in a hospital somewhere with no ID. When the person wasn't found, the funerals were then arranged.

I remember going into my "card shop" about three weeks after 9/11. You have to remember, this was a very small town. I went into this shop every week to buy a card or browse or just to visit the girl who ran the shop (I can't remember her name, now). She was closing the shop and it was only about 11 am and it was unusual for her to close the shop. I asked her, jokingly, if she was playing hooky that day and could I come play hooky, too. She informed me that her brother had perished in the twin towers an she had to attend his memorial service that afternoon. OMG! I didn't even know. I had been in the shop several times since 9/11. I had even chatted with her at soccer while she was watching her nephew play and I was watching my kids. She explained that they had been holding on to hope. Hoping he was alive. Somewhere. Somehow. I went home and cried. Cried for her loss. For Robert's loss of an uncle. And cried with relief that no one I knew had died.

Seven years later, it is still my brother-in-law's birthday. Happy birthday, Randy. It's still the day after my mom's birthday and it's another beautiful day. In fact, every single September 11 has been a beautiful day.

I, for one, will be counting my blessings today. How 'bout you?

Monday, September 8, 2008

I'm Home :(

I came home early - Sunday. I looked at what the weather would be bringing and it seemed to be more of the same. Cold (for me) and wet. That would mean staying in the hotel room all day. In countries whose English TV shows are either the BBC or CNN - neither of which interest me. In very, very small hotel rooms with no room service.

I did have some fun in Paris, however, thanks to Sandra and Herve. Herve works with Andrew and Sandra (pronounced Sondra) is his Swedish girlfriend. Can you say cute? Both of them! Cute as buttons. There's Herve with his French accent and very good looking. And there's Sandra with her Swedish good looks and an English accent. If they weren't so nice I would hate them!! ROFL!!

Anyway, Thursday nite we went out for dinner with them. It was a lot of fun. Sandra and I definitely "bonded". She's only 23 but it was one of those rare times when you feel like you've met a kindred spirit. We decided we would spend Friday afternoon together people watching and shopping and drinking Kir Royale. Turned out to be a sucky day weather wise and I decided I'd better not go. It was raining and shitty. I went next door to a patiseree to pick up some lunch and I go the best Quiche I've ever, ever, ever had and an amazing, amazing, amazing chocolate eclair. OMG!! To fricking die for!!

That evening we went to Moulin Rouge. Everyone enjoyed it. The men liked the boobs. I loved the dancing. I think Sandra liked it all. We smiled all the way through. Then we went out to an Irish Pub and drank and danced the night away. Literally. I think we got in at 4am. It was so fun!

Saturday afternoon Andrew & I went to Notre Dame Church and then L'Arc de Triomphe and then we wandered down Champs L'Esee (spelling?) for a while. It was nice. We went out for dinner later. Quiet dinner. We were a bit melancholy knowing I was leaving the next morning and wouldn't get to see Amsterdam and meet Mike and Ania.

So...I'm home. Had some great flights. On time and not crowded. I got three seats all to myself for the 8 hour flight so I layed down and slept and watched two movies. Nice. Jeff & Chanel picked me up at the airport. So nice to come home to such warm and loving hugs. I love those two!!

I don't really know how staying home alone is going to be. Last night I was very nervous about being in the house all alone so I put a chair against the bedroom door. I was still a little nervous so Andrew said I should lock the bedroom door and put a chair against it tonight. I think that will work. That and some Tylenol PM to knock me out. LOL!!

Well gotta go. Need some food in this house and to restart the mail and get money to pay my dog sitter.


Thursday, September 4, 2008

I Wanna Come Home!

Well, I've been in Europe for a week and I want to come home. Not because I'm homesick, just because I'm sick.

It's chilly over here and my asthma has kicked in. It started with a cold and now I'm coughing like crazy and my chest feels a little heavy and has a slight burn. I think it's the cooler temperatures. It's not actually that cold out but for my lungs, which are used to 100 degree weather, I guess 70 is cold. I dunno.

Anyway, I'm looking into changing my ticket to coming home on Monday. I don't know if it's even do-able because we used skymiles to get here. I guess we'll see.

I have been having fun, though. Dusseldorf was good. We got there on Thursday. I slept all day to get rid of the jet lag and we went out for dinner that night. I ordered dessert and looked over at Andrew and the poor guy was falling asleep! I felt so bad. He had worked all day while I slept!

Friday I shopped and found a cute leather jacket for a great price. It was on sale because it's a "summer" leather jacket - perfect for the cooler weather in Florida! Friday night we went out to the "old town". Had way too much to drink and a lot of fun. Saturday we slept in till 2:30! As I said way too much to drink! LOL!!

Saturday afternoon we went on a boat trip down the Reine. What a huge river! Huge barges go up and down. I wanted to see them crash into each other but they didn't. Sick, eh? We went to see a "broken" castle and then went back to old town for more drinking and food. Again stayed out way too late! Can you say Party Animals?!! ROFL!!!

Sunday we went to some sort of palace. We took a train to get there, toured around and came back. It was forgetable. Then, we went to Guido's house for dinner with his wife, Simona, and three tiny daughters. OMG!! They are sooo cute! Twins who are 2 and a baby who's almost 1. All three with that beautiful white hair and really sweet. Andrew got into the sandbox and played with them. They loved him! All little kids love Andrew. Dinner was wonderful. Lots of different types of meat, various salads and cheeses and bread with all sorts of pestos. Really different from anything we would have here. I loved it!

Then....I started feeling like crap. By the time we got home from Guido's I had a huge cold coming on. I went to bed with the kleenex beside the bed and woke up feeling like crap. I went to the pharmacy and got some pills. I took them and they made me feel well enough to go out for dinner that night. We went to a restaurant at the top of a tower - similar to the CN tower but smaller. That dinner was with Guido, Sabina and The Cute Boy. OMG!!! I'm sorry! I don't remember his name but, man! Was he cute! I told Sabina he was "eye candy". She'd never heard that before but he really is.

Monday night after we came home I took the cold pills I had bought and then took my Tylenol PM. Partway through the night I woke up and thought "Holy Shit, the cold pills are probably the same as the Tylenol PM and I've probably overdosed". I looked it up the next day in a German/English dictionary online and sure enough, I'd double dosed. Oops! Won't do that again!!

Tuesday I stayed in all day. Wasn't feeling well. We went out for a quiet dinner. It sucked.

Wednesday morning at 4 am we got up and headed for Paris. My favourite city in the world! I really do love it. I napped until about noon and headed out. It was chilly, though. We're within walking distance of the Eiffel Tower, which is cool. Andrew and I went for a great dinner last night (escargot, duck l'orange and creme brullee!) and then walked over to the Eiffel Tower for the lights show. Took lots of pictures which I'll put up later. Then...I spent the entire night coughing and coughing and coughing. Not a regular cough but that shitty barking cough that I get when bronchitis is coming on. Crap!!

So, it's Thursday afternoon right now. I slept in till noon. I'm staying in the hotel all day. I really think the cold air is bugging my lungs so I'm just staying in. I am in my favourite city and I'm staying in my fucking room! Crap!!

There you have it. An update on our travels and my health. I know it was boring without pictures but I don't have the cords to download the pictures so those will come later. I'm gonna call my momma, now, and whine. That'll make me feel better!