Well, it's Tuesday and I go see the oncologist on Friday. I'll have much more information, then, and know what I'm facing, too.

This is a weird time because I'm fine. Totally fine (well other than some pain in my armpit which I'm sick of). I tell people (not just people walking down the street - people I know!!) that I have breast cancer and they're like "No Way!! You look great!" That might be a little of an overstatement but I do look fine. I also don't know what I'm facing. What drugs for the chemo? Will I lose my hair? Will I get sick and not be able to work? How long does the chemo last? How often do I have to have it? and then the dramatic... Will I die? Oh c'mon! I can think that. I'm cancergirl afterall. I can think that.

I don't really think I'll die but it sucks that I went from just having this little cancer and needing radiation to having an aggressive crappy cancer and now I have to have chemo and radiation.....all this during my busy season. I don't know if I've mentioned this before but in my insurance field I have four months to sell. November 15 through March 31. It's very lucrative but I have to be at the top of my game. I wait for this all year. The high of selling a ton of insurance in a short period of time is wonderful.

Oh, speaking of high.......Kevin knows where this is going 'cause it was his thought....I wonder if I'll have to get some sort of anti-nausea drug. hmmmm.....wonder what that might be? What? Pot? MaryJane? Weed? hmmmm. I was never really into it in high school or college (beer tastes way better!) but if it's for medicinal purposes? That sounds legal. Of course, with my asthma, it'd have to be put in brownies. Just a thought, you know? Interesting, eh? Hmmm....now I'm wondering why Kevin came up with that thought? ROFL!!

OK, well, that's all for me for today. Halloween tomorrow -

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEVE!!!!

If I eat one more peanut butter cup I'll turn into one. All that dieting and I just keep eating. I gotta stop that. After Halloween and the two bags of potato chips I just bought today....oh...and the tube of chocolate chip cookies all ready to be put in the oven? Then, I'll stop and only eat good things. Can you say out of control?

G'night everybody!!

Friday Night

It's Friday night and I'm now sick of wallowing in sadness. Now? Just hoping I have a great looking head. I might make Andrew shave his head with me - you know - that unity thing. I've always thought bald is sexy on a man so this is my chance to see if he'd look good that way. It's just hair - it'll grow back, right? teehee - ohhhh I'm so evil!!

OK, people. This is a really great excuse to get an Ipod. Woohoo!! I mean, I can't possibly go through chemo without an Ipod, can I? Seriously!! So....I want input. Everybody send me their 5 favourite songs. Showtunes, ballads, hard rock,heavy metal. Everything. Just send me your 5 favourite songs.

So far mine are:

Love of my Life - Donny Osmond & Jim Brickman
red red wine - UB 40
Ain't no other man - Christina
Good Mother - Jann Arden
Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield
Release Me - Wilson Phillips
Lord is it mine - Supertramp
Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf
Someone to Call my Lover - Janet Jackson
Dreamlover - Mariah
I Love you Always Forever - Donna Lewis
Beat Goes On/Switchin to Glide - The Kings
Saturday Night - Jay Cooper
Rappers Delight - Sugarhill Gang
Motown Song - Rod
I Want you - Savage Garden
Up - Shania

I know, that's more than five but...it's my blog - Na Na Na Boo Boo!! OMG - I'm so mature!! If you want to list more, you can.

I want you people to know that for those of you offering to come down here? I'm seriously going to consider it. I go back and forth. It would be good to have the support while I'm sick but it would be great to have people when I'm better, too. Janice and the girl's weekend? Great idea. Shelley cleaning my house? What's better than that? Deb making me pies and goodies? Wow! Can I even say no? So...I'm just sayin'.....I'm thinking about it and don't be surprised to get a phone call asking y'all to come.

That's all for tonight. Andrew's bringing home Chinese food - yeah!! He & Kevin went and worked out. I miss working out. I was actually enjoying it so as soon as my armpit pain goes away I'm going to start going again. And just think....I could work out to my Ipod music when I get one. I like using this Cancergirl thing to my advantage. teehee!! So, Everyone send back their top 5 picks so I can start getting together a good selection of music for....Chemo. (listen when I do the ".....chemo" thing? you have to, in your brain or out loud go bah bah bah bah...chemo in a really deep voice, ok?)

G'night everyone!!

The Bearer of Bad News - Again

Well, I really wanted to post a positive note today but....I went to see my surgeon today and I don't have any good news to post.

It seems I don't have a "good cancer" after all. I'll post it good news, bad news:

Good News

- The lump was smaller than they thought. Only 1.5 cm

- The lymph nodes were clean

(wow! that was a small section, eh?)

Bad News

- 40% of the lump is invasive

- It is full of something called HER2 - a very aggressive form of cancer

- Because just one very aggressive cancer cell my have gotten loose and into my body and growing at this very moment, I have to have fucking Chemo!! This means I also have to have a fucking port which is something they insert in my chest so they can insert the chemo poison easier. Nice and close to the heart so it'll circulate the poison quickly. Great.

- Then, I have to have fucking radiation

I really have nothing funny or cute to say. There's been a ton of crying in our house tonight.

I'm sorry we didn't call everyone on this one. We just can't. I'll update my blog sometime this weekend. Hopefully I'll be in a more positive frame of mind but right now? Well, when I went in for my surgery they gave me some really good drugs. I'm supposed to use them for pain but tonight? I'm just going to use them.

G'night everybody.

Sandy's shit - literally

Ok, people, if you're uncomfortable with bodily functions, do not read this post. Leave now. This will be graphic. I repeat, this will be graphic......but kinda funny. Poor Andrew has shared my blog site with the people he works with and he'll be so embarrassed by this post. Sorry, baby!! You're the one who said "I do"....my dad asked if you were sure that day!! Ya shoulda run when you had the chance (now, you're too old to run!! ROFL!!! says the girl with the shell-shocked boob!)

The subject of the day is....Sandy's shit (and pee). Do you know that when you get blue dye injected into your boob, it will come out? Do you know that they don't actually warn you? Seriously!! Can you imagine...just imagine....going to flush the toilet and everything that just came out of you is blue? Not a deep blue but , well, a neon blue. Bright blue. This is fricking disturbing, people!! Disturbing.

Well, now that that's out of my system, I can move on. (Out of my system!! Get it? OMG! I'm so funny!!!) I'm recovering well. Slowly, I think. Andrew disagrees. I wanted to work tomorrow but I don't actually think I'm going to be able to go. I am in pain. In my armpit. I can't put my arm down but I can't put it up either. It's sitting there in limbo. I have to hold a big pillow up against my body and carry that around. Not really something I can hide, you know?

I go see the doctor on Thursday afternoon. I imagine after that I'll go see an oncologist and get set up for the radiation. From what the surgeon told me, I wait until 3 weeks post-op and then start the radiation and it goes for 6 weeks/30 treatments. That means by Christmas I should be through with all this. It's definitely life changing. I have a lot of questions and I want answers. I'm going to get graphic again and go on a little rage (fair warning), but I do have a point. Again, this will be graphic and will make you cringe...no fainting here, people, I actually lived through this and it must be talked about.

Three hours prior to surgery, I had to have some radioactive liquid injected into the nipple (four times!). There is a purpose to this. They inject it so that it will travel through the milk ducts into the lymph nodes. Then, during the actual surgery, a blue dye is injected and it follows the radioactive liquid and the surgeon, using some sort of device that find radioactive materials and the visual of the blue dye, can find the sentinal (first) lymph node. The goal is to find out if this lymph node has cancer. If it does, then the cancer has spread, if not (that's me!) then, most likely, the cancer has not spread. OK, so I understand all that. What I don't understand is why it has to hurt so much to have this stuff injected. I understand that they can't freeze the area because the freezing "stuff" will get in the way of the traveling liquid. I don't understand why, if I already have an IV in my hand, they can't give me something to put me in lala land so I don't have to scream and cry during this procedure. I mean, I was hysterical, crying. It was awful!! The worst pain I've ever been in. I'm telling you, if a man had to have four needles filled with radioactive liquid injected into his scrotum? He'd be put out. I betcha every single person who just read that cringed. Didn't you? I think this is a gender thing and I want answers.

It is my understanding that three women went through this prior to me on that Friday morning. This is just one hospital. How many women, on a daily basis, go through this? Was mine unusual? Did I just get a bad technician? Why, on earth, would the technician tell me it would be "like a bee sting" and then it ends up being more like being stabbed in the nipple 100 times? I know I sound bitchy, but I'm really mad about this. I want answers. I want to know why my cancer book didn't mention this? Why didn't someone tell me? Argh!!!

OK, on to more pleasant topics....

I want to officially thank my sister, Kim, for coming down. It was just what I needed and you was more helpful than you'll ever know. Right from providing me with lipstick for the surgery to reading the poem (thanks Ruth!!) right before I was wheeled into surgery to stroking my hair to "the unveiling" and holding me while I wept. You are an amazing sister and I'm so proud and grateful to have you in my life. I also must add that I will never, ever play trivial pursuit against this woman! Holy crap!! I've never met anyone who remembers so much "stuff". We're sitting there watching tv and she knows so much "stuff" - right from which movie an actor has been in and who they're married to and how many children they have to what machine gun would be used to blow someones brains out from 1/2 a mile away.

I also want to thank my mom and dad for putting up with my very tearful call last night. Kim had gone home, Andrew and Kevin had gone to the gym and it hit me. The whole thing just hit me. Hard. I called them and I just wept and wept and wept. It must be so hard to be up in Canada with a daughter with cancer in Florida and not be able to be with her (they really can't be here - my dad had two knee replacements done this summer and he can't travel, yet and my mom needs to be there with him). They will be down in time for the radiation treatments, though. That'll be good. I'm definitely needy in that area and I admit it. I need my hand to be held and they've got the perfect hands.

Then, I want to thank all the people who have been e-mailing and calling. Wow. I'm overwhelmed with the good wishes being sent my way. It always amazes me when I talk about my cancer how many other women have gone through it and I just didn't know. Then they'll say "I'm a survivor". Wow. It's just mind-blowing and so very hopeful for me.

Wow, with all these thank you's I feel like I should be getting a trophy or something. An Oscar or Emmy. How about "Cancergirl of the year"? That's it, I'm going to put on my tiara - OMG!! I should have worn that to the hospital!! I didn't think of it. But I am going to put it on right now. I love my tiara!!

So, this blog entry would be exactly what I'm going through. I'm like a rollercoaster. Up and down, up and down. Mad - the "why me" question is forefront. Grateful - that other women have shared they're stories with me and that I have the best cancer there is. Sad - you should see my poor boob. Happy - I'm going to live and will be a survivor. I just wish this was as much fun as a roller coaster. I'm not going to sugar coat it, though. That's just not me.

So, Cancergirl moves on. I'm going to take a nap, now, and try to get comfortable and look at my pretty flowers people sent to me and read my book and look forward to a time when I can say I'm a survivor...

Have a great day, everyone! I gotta go get my tiara on and warn poor Andrew. I wonder how many times I can embarrass that poor man! teehee!!!!

Nothing but the Best, For Me!!

Hi all,

Well, as most of you know by now, I have the best of the worst. The worst, of course is the cancer. The best is the DCIS. That's it, that's all I have. Nothing invasive. Do you know what that means? No Chemo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That deserves far more exclamation marks than I could even put on this blog!! I am so happy about that.

So...surgery went well. I'm in pain under my arm. I've stopped taking "the good pain pills" (vicodin) 'cause they make me feel loopy. You know, it's bad enough being "blonde" without being loopy on top of it! LOL!! I expect I'll go back to work on Wednesday. I'll just take it easy. You know, I can always blame my asthma for not feeling well. That's the good thing about having two life threatening diseases, eh? If ya wanna lie about one? Just blame it on the other.

I'm not gonna lie, Friday was, by far, the worst day of my life. There was nothing pleasant. I won't go into details but I'm going to say that weeping and howling from the pain of the pre-op "stuff" would be accurate. In fact, if my dog had been present he would have started howling with me, I was so loud.

But...on to better things in the future. As I said before, no chemo. I do have to have radiation. I'll let you all know more about that later but, as I understand it? I get little dots of tattoo on my boobie and I'm pretty sure I'll have to turn these dots into something fabulous when this is all over with.

Ok, back to bed, for me. My joke is that I haven't spent this much time in bed since my honeymoon. ROFL!! I know, I know, not my best joke but, c'mon people. Give cancergirl a break, here, eh? I'm coming off of some good drugs, here. It's Sunday night so I have to watch Desperate Housewives and Brother & Sisters. It's been wonderful having my sister here for this ordeal. She's been a God-send just holding my handing and laughing and crying with me.

I have to thank so many of you for sending the many many e-mails wishing me well and the phone calls. I really needed that and y'all came through.

Oh yah, and I did make Kim watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with me. I fast forwarded to all the "good parts" and made sure she enjoyed them and, where possible, sang along with me. Sing it with me, People!!

Oh you pretty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Band we love you. And, in, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang what we'll do...near far in a motor car o what a happy time we'll spend, Bang Bang Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, my fine four fendered friend, bang bang chitty chitty bang bang our fine four fendered friend, our fine four fendered chitty chitty friend!

G'nite everybody!!

Excited and Scared

That would describe how I feel right now.

Excited - My sister's coming!! My sister's coming!! Poor girl's flight was delayed which made her miss the connecting flight. She was supposed to be here at 12:30 but won't get here till 4:30, now. That means she's been sitting in an airport all day. Yuck. But....I'm so excited to see her. She's one of my eight favourite people on this earth and, since I live with five of the others, you can only imagine what this does to my heart. And....I got to see Deb last weekend, and I get to see my momma in three weeks, so other than having cancer this is a really great month!! LOL!!

Scared - Well, that would be obvious, right. I had two asthma attacks yesterday so I had to go see the anesthitist (sp?) to see if I could actually have the surgery tomorrow. Yes, I can. So...it's a go (that's a rhyme right thar, y'all!). I bought myself some post-surgery bras (TMI??!!) and some pretty jammies so I'm all set.

Hmmm....I've been thinking. Can I still call myself Cancergirl after the surgery tomorrow?

Ok, gotta go. I have to change the sheets on the bed Kim will be sleeping in and do some laundry and then go pick her up, then pick Jeff up at school and then come home. My anesthitist said I can't drink tonight. Party Pooper. He was asking questions about my drinking. How much per week - it's important for the surgery, he said. I'm like, well, I went to Bahamas last weekend and drank nothing but alcohol - do you mean that? He didn't, although he thought it was funny. Called me a Bahama Mama. teehee!!

OK, folks. That's all for now. Wish me luck!

In the Middle of the Night

The phone rang at 2:08 am last night.
I answered and it was Scott.
That can't be good, I thought.
The only calls you get in the middle of the night from a kid away at college?
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Mom, I'm in jail......it wasn't that, though
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wait for it.....
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keep scrolling....
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He said....
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"Mom, I just finished a poker tournament and won.....
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$5,200"!!!!!!

Can you believe that? My son won $5,200 in online poker!! He came in fourth. A professional player came in third. He had to win another tournament just to get into this one. Wow! Notice I said "my son". I know that it must come from my side of the family 'cause I've watched Andrew play online poker.......trust me. It comes from my side of the family. ROFL!!

I'm Baaack!!

Wow! What a trip! I went to Paradise Island for the weekend and it was great. Got lots of sun, too much drink and more fun than I can put into words. It was Debbie's 40th birthday (such a baby, still!) so seven girls went away to celebrate. Atlantis is more beautiful than I thought it would be. We stayed at a Riu right beside it. The Riu is all-inclusive so we did most of our eating and drinking there and then went to Atlantis' nightclub. Expensive? Wow! Deb had a Cosmo and I had a rum & coke and my bill came to $25.00. I decided that was a little ridiculous so I switched to water. $8.50 later I decided I might as well just have a real drink. I'll post pictures when I get them. I didn't take a camera (again) so I'm relying on Debbie's friends to send me some. I must say, we looked good!! Seven blonds on an island sure can get a lot of attention! LOL!!

Back to the real world. Boo!! Hiss!! Too bad we all can't just live on Paradise Island for the rest of our lives, eh?

I'm gearing up for my surgery on Friday. My sister Kim's flying in on Thursday at noon so I think we'll have some fun Thursday afternoon - I'll probably take her to Frenchy's on the beach. I love it there. She's staying till late afternoon Monday. It'll be nice to have her here for some sisterly support. I'm sure Andrew could use it, too. I'm going to make her watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang with me. I think I'll also make her watch Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat starring my personal dreamboat, Donny (no last name necessary - he turns 50 this year. Maybe that damn wife of his will think he's too old, kick him to the curb and he'll come get me....ohhhhh!! What's that Supertramp song? Dreamer? LOL!). What a lucky girl my sister is!!

I'm setting up a phone chain. Some people will get phone calls, others will get an e-mail.

The phone call people are: immediate family (including Aunth Ardyth, Judy and Aunt Mona), Deb, Rathmann's, Christy & Whitney

E-mails will go out to: Rick & Helga, Dianne, Janice, Barnes, Dave McE, Audra, Ruth, Jimmy, Mary, Tom, Bethie, Boardmans, Bohns, Steens, Kirsten, Nancy Weir, Trevor Johnson, Steve Levine, Nancy Wilder, Halls, Reeves, Heather, Bev, & Andrew will post a note for A,V,K &Y.

Does that sound ok to everyone? Let me know if I've missed anyone and I apologize, in advance, if I did. I probably won't write again until next week, after the surgery - Sorry Scotty!! I know you love my blog entries and check on a daily basis. Maybe I'll just call you everyday to "chat, chat, chataroo". LOL!!

Work's starting to pick up and I have so much to do this week to prepare. Thanks for all the e-mails and phone calls. I have some amazing family members and friends. Makes me feel so loved which is really, really nice right now. Man! I'm craving a Pina Colada! Can you become an alcoholic from 3 days in Paradise? ROFL!! Have a great week and keep praying for me!!

Outporing of Love

Wow! I'm overwhelmed at the outporing of love being sent my way. A friend of mine sent a card. Beautiful card. Saying I'm going to kick some cancer ass. I love that!! And...I am. Then, I get a card from her mother, a breast cancer survivor herself. Made me cry to know I have supporters like this. E-mails are coming in with love sent across the miles. The girls from a weight loss forum sending love and fun. People I have never met in person. The love is as palpable as this tumor. I can just feel it. For this, I say thank you.

Then, there's one. A person I have known since I moved to Florida. She told me that people who don't "take the lord into their heart, completely" get "vomitted on". WTF!! What does that even mean? I guess that's me. But, I'm a good person. Kind. Loving. Caring. Give the shirt off my back kind of person. I don't understand how someone who is supposed to be a Christian can say something so judgemental. Odd. Gotta let that go! That's just wrong.

I hate that I'm the one bringing bad news and tears and fears to people and their children. I can't worry about that right now, but it does suck.

I am obsessed with trying to find information. Pictures. I hate the cancer but it fills my mind every single second. It doesn't help that it's Breast Cancer Awareness month. It's everywhere. We went to The Lightning game last night. Up on the jumbotron a section of women who were breast cancer survivors. Kevin and I look at each other and say: I'm/You're not a survivor yet!! It was so funny! But see how it follows me/us? Even on a Saturday nite at a hockey game, we think about it. I hate that. We won and my Brad Richards scored two goals. My favourite player. I love that!! The Leafs beat the Canadians. Did you see that Steve, Sam, Dad, Jeff? teehee!! I had to mention it! My two favourite teams both win on a Saturday nite and we bought scalper tickets 10 rows up from the ice for $20 each (actually Scott treated because he'd won big at poker earlier in the day!). Seriously!! What's better than that??

So today, I will just give in. I need info and I just have to accept that. I'm going to read my cancer book and I'm going to go get a book on a cancer diet. I'm going to look at pictures of women who have had cancer surgery and prepare myself, mentally. It's what I have to do and I hate it. I'm going to rent the movie "Why I wore lipstick to my mastectomy" and rewatch "Crazy Sexy Cancer". I won't actually get all that done, but I'll think about it. I will also go to the gym. Walk. Fast. Maybe I can outwalk the cancer. Hey! maybe if I run......hahahahaha. OMG!! I'm so funny!! Run? Me? Not a frigging hope in hell!! Right, dad?

Tomorrow? I have to get ready to go to the Bahamas for Debbie's 40th birthday! I have to try on all my bathing suits and go to the tanning booth and make sure I have sunscreen and aloe and practice singing "Happy Birthday". Loudly. So everyone at the pool will know it's Debbie's birthday. I have to decide what I'll drink. All-inclusive. Try not to gain weight but drink. Guess I'll just have to pass on the food. ROFL!!! I kill myself!! - with laughter, people!! Not suicidal, here. I have much to do in this life and one is to buy many, many pink dresses for my granddaughters some day in the distant, distant future.

And in the back of my mind....I'll let the cancer sit...way back there. Until I come back and face it. Head-on. And fight that bastard and swear at it and send it to hell and vomit on it. Wow! How dramatic! Drama Queen? Maybe........Princess? Definitely!!! LMAO!!!

Fearful Friday - not so bad

Wow, I can't believe this. I wrote an entire post and it "disappeared" WTF!!!

Here I go again. I'm really sick of this cancer shit.

Cancer Talk

Went to the surgeon today. The results weren't horrible. Pretty good actually. There's no cancer in my right boob. That's good. The only cancer in my left is what they've already seen. That's good, too. So, I'm scheduled for surgery on Friday, October 19. They'll do a lumpectomy (also known as a partial mastectomy). They'll also check to make sure it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes. During the surgery they take out the mass along with a small surrounding area. They make sure the surrounding area is "clean" and that's it. If it's not they try again. If it's not again, I believe they then do a full mastectomy. That would suck.

After that, I wait three weeks and then I start radiation for six weeks (weekdays only - I get the weekends off - see? there is rest for the wicked).

That's it for the cancer talk. The only time I want to talk about it until surgery is if I'm using it to get things. Like this: me lying on the couch, vegging, and probably in that annoying whinny voice I can use: "Andrew, can you get me a pop?" him "No, you're closer." me: "You won't get cancergirl a pop? Ohhh!!!" So far it's worked. Not sure how long that'll last!! LOL!!

Other Stuff

Scotty's home for the night. He came home just for me 'cause if he didn't come home tonight I wouldn't see him till Thanksgiving. That is way too long, for me!! I didn't even use the cancergirl thing on him. He just knows I need to see him and besides, he can get his laundry done. LOL!!

My men have gone to the gym. I'm here waiting for the TV Guy to finish. We're getting some new, improved service. Most importantly, we're getting new phone service so we can actually carry on a conversation without sounding like we're in a tunnel. What a concept, eh? Unfortunately, we have to change our phone number again. Jeez! I haven't even memorized the old one, yet! In fact, I don't know my own kids or Andrew's cell phone numbers. God help me if I lose my cell phone. I wouldn't be able to reach anyone. But...get this...I remember my phone # from when I was 5 (453-1124). Weird eh? Oh, I also know my parent's in Florida but that's not helpful 'cause they're not there. I also know Bobby Orr was #4 (it rhymes) and Matts Sundin is #13 (because he was born on Feb 13) and Donny's birthday is December 9 (so is Mark Derksens).

So!! There you have it. My number knowledge!!

Ok, enough!!! Here's a link to a hilarious mom - take a look!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXT6Hs113ZA

G'nite Everybody!! (yes that was from the Donny & Marie show)

My Very First Post

Well, this getting a blog this is really easy. They'll let anyone do it!

So, I named it Sandy's Shit because that's what it'll be about. Not literally, but you know, metaphorically. My shit. Although, occassionally shit may be the topic of conversation. With me? ya just never know!!

As all of you know by now, I have been diagnosed with cancer. Here's the story, the gorry, freaking details.

I had lost about 40 lbs and Andrew was lying on the bed and I was looking at myself, topless, in the mirror. I was noticing how my boobs had shrunk and were suddenly droopy. My previously, glorious boobs (oh, c'mon, like y'all hadn't noticed?!). So, I told him "I want a boob lift. Look, here's how I would look." I start pulling them up by putting my hand above them and lifting. Nice visual, eh? But I wanted him to see how pretty they'd be. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I felt something under my hand and in my so very classy way said "what the hell is that?"

So I went to the doctor two days later and he ordered a mammogram and ultrasound. I hadn't been keeping up with my mammo's so I was freaked. I got the mammo a week later and it didn't show anything so they followed up with an ultrasound which did show something. So, my doctor ordered a biopsy. Now that was painful. Then, I saw a surgeon (a man who's son had played hockey with Kevin for a couple of years and, actually did Kevin's tumor surgery a year ago - Kevin's was not cancer). Now, this guy is so nice. When Kevin broke his leg, we saw him in pre-op and he actually checked n on Kevin in the middle of his surgery to make sure it was going ok. Then, he came up to see Kevin post-op a couple of times. Just to say hi and make sure everything was ok. So, he's a good man. Someone I can be a "person" with and not just another patient. He put a "stat" on the biopsy results - told them I was family so we could get them faster. At this time I asked him a few pertinent questions. First off, "This lump moves around - a lot, Is that strange?" "Yes" he said. Second off, he asked if it was always that hard. I said "Yes, is that bad". "Yes" he said. I love that he was honest with me. I need that. I need honesty in everything I do - well, you all know that if you know me. So with that I was prepared.

I got a call Friday afternoon from the radiologist (did you know radiologists do the biopsy not a doctor? Interesting - I'm going to be so smart from all this y'all won't be able to stand it!!). She told me I have cancer and explained what it was. At that point it looked like I had what's called DCIS (ductal carcinoma - there's that word! - insitu - which means in place). She also said it doesn't present normally but that it hadn't calcified (calcification is bad). DCIS is usually found on a mammogram and you can't feel it. It's in too deep. Hmmm. weird. So we relayed this information to our closest family and friends. I bought a book on breast cancer and looked on the internet for info. I found that with DCIS it's non-invasive, doesn't spread, isn't deadly and you just have to have radiation after the lumpectomy. Excellent. No chemo. No baldness. Excellent. If you have to have cancer this is a good one. Nothing but the best of the worst for me!!

Then, my doctor called on Sunday morning (7:50 am!!) to tell me he wants me to to an MRI. He doesn't like the way this is presenting itself and feels that, yes, I do have DCIS but thinks, maybe, I could have something else as well. He actually used the word invasive, here. That's not good. He doesn't like that we can feel it and that it didn't show on the mammogram. He is also concerned about boob #2. If I have cancer in boob #1 and it didn't show on the mammogram could something be in boob #2 and not be showing, too? So I'm going for an MRI tonight. I get the results Friday.

If the results are that I have it in both boobs (I still love that word, say it with me now boob, boob, boob - fun!!) I will have a mastectomy for both with recontruction and come out with nice high boobs in a size I choose with tattooed nipples. So if I ask you if you want to see my tattoo? You better watch how you answer!! ROFL!! But, if that's not the case, I am going to take the time to do breast cancer gene testing. This is a blood test that shows if I have a gene for breast cancer. If that comes out negative I'll just deal with whatever I have. If it shows up positive, then I have to decide whether to keep boobs #1 and #2 or opt out.

So there you have it folks. My first blog. This blog will not just be about cancer. After all, I do still love Donny (Osmond, of course!! duh!!) and it's his 50th birthday this year so I have to celebrate all that is Donny. And, well, you know, I like to chat. So I'll type, you comment and life goes on. Really it does. We can still know I have cancer and talk about Britney and what a loser she is (oh! that was mean. I meant so say and what a difficult time she's having) and Desperate Housewives and more importantly, Survivor. I'm still the same old me. Did I say old? I am not old!! Shoot, I'm not even 45 yet. Soon...but not yet? You feeling old yet, Kim, Karen, Steve, Monika, Sue? Huh? Huh? LMAO!!

So no comments on how you'll pray for me. I know you'll pray for me. You better pray for me!! Let's just deal with this as it comes. Call me if you want. We're changing our home #, again. I never even knew what this one was, let alone learn a new one. Geesh! Feel free to comment. You can comment as an anonymous person - just make sure you put your name at the end of your comment so I know who it came from. And wish me luck.

Talk to y'all again soon!