A Poem....

I got this from someone else's blog but it spoke to me so I'm posting it.

A mighty wind blew night and day
It stole the oak tree’s leaves away
Then snapped its boughs
And pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around
The weary wind gave up and spoke “How can you still be standing, Oak?”
The Oak tree said, “I know that you can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away, shake my limbs, and make me sway.
But I have roots stretched in the earth,
Growing stronger since my birth,
You’ll never touch them, for you see,
They are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn’t sure of just how much I could endure
But now I’ve found, with thanks to you,
I’m stronger than I ever knew.” – Johnny Ray Ryder, Jr

Also, on the weekend, Jeff shared this saying with me:

Worry is like a rocking chair.
It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.

I really liked it and swore I would remember it but....with a memory like mine and then "chemo brain" on top of it? I forgot it by the next day. Then on Monday? This was my horoscope in our local paper:

You might be worried about something today. Remember the saying: "Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere."

How weird is that? I truly had never heard that saying before and there it was again. And, when I was getting my Herceptin treatment on Friday, the lady who let me feel her hair? She was telling me to live every day and not worry about recurrence. That if it happens, it happens and to deal with it then, but in the meantime just live life to the fullest and enjoy. It's like the universe is speaking to me. I really have to stop the worrying and start the living. My new motto.

Also, I really have to say this. There is an e-mail going around out there referring to a John Hopkins article about cancer and chemo and radiation and a diet to follow. If you get this e-mail? Please do not pass it on to anyone fighting this fight. I have gotten it twice now. I know these people were trying to help and give me information (both of these people love me) but the truth is that there are several things in it that are truly offensive to someone in this battle. Here they are:

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.
7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.
9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.
10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

We all know that chemo and radiation hit the good and the bad. That's why we don't want to do it. But....if it ups our chances of living? It's worth it, right? Right. Listen, without chemo and radiation and Herceptin my chances of cancer coming back are 30%. With these treatments I have a 5% chance of it coming back. What would you do at 45 years old with three kids and the most amazing wonderful spouse in the entire history of man?

Here's the next offensive thing in this e-mail.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

I hate shit like this. Cancer is not a disease of the mind or spirit. It is stupid, fucking cells which have run amuck. That's it. I have a generous mind and spirit. I am giving and loving and want world peace (I sound like a beauty queen, don't I? I better go put on my tiara!). My mind and spirit did not cause me to get cancer. And I hate when people say that my positive attitude will get me through and cure me. No. A positive attitude will not get me through and cure me. My grandmother was THE most wonderful person I ever knew. She was loving and giving and was everything anyone could want in a person and she died of breast cancer. I know of a 15 year old boy who never did anything bad to another person. He was sweet and kind and athletic and has a loving family and he died of cancer. Mind and Spirit have nothing to do with the devil we call cancer. Cancer cells have to do with cancer. We do the treatments and hope we got it. If we didn't, we fight some more until we can't fight anymore. I never, ever saw Jake (the 15 year old) give up. He was strong and insistent that he would live. He didn't and it's not because he didn't have "the will" to live. It's because the cancer took over his body and killed him. That's it.

The next thing in the e-mail talks about diet. What you should and shouldn't eat. According to this article? I can't have sugar, sugar substitute, salt, red meat, very little chicken, 80% of my diet should be raw vegetables and 20% can be cooked, I should have no dairy products, no caffeine, only purified water and only drink soy milk and if you eat protein it should be fish.

Well, really. Who the hell could live like this? On the upside, they didn't say anything about alcohol so I could just drink all day!! I could be so drunk I wouldn't care what I ate. LOL!! Besides, both my oncologists told me to stay away from soy anything. It's an "unknown" and "too new" to trust. Also, what about the mercury in fish. We're not supposed to eat a lot of fish because of the mercury. So that would leave me with vegetables. I don't know about you but my quality of life would be done at this point and I would be miserable and I might as well be done.

Anyway, my point is this.
1. Don't send me the article....I've already seen it and obviously do not agree with it.
2. Watch what you say and send to people with cancer. You may think it's helpful but it may not be and may, in fact, be offensive.

There....that was some rant, eh? I really had to think about addressing this on my blog. As anyone who knows me knows, I don't want to ever hurt anyone's feelings but I really had to say this.

Hope everyone has a great day!
Radiation #2 here I come.
TTFN!
4 months and 2 days till I see Donny!!