I've done so well thus far but today I got quite sad. Andrew's away for two weeks which does not help. I thought the timing would be ok but it's not. Going through radiation might be a little harder than I thought.
Today, I said to the nurse at radiation that it's almost harder than chemo. With chemo you go and feel like crap for 4 or 5 days but then you can almost forget about cancer until the next treatment. With radiation, you go every single day. Every day I am a cancer patient. She looked at me as though I had three heads and said radiation isn't nearly as bad as chemo. She totally missed the point.
Anyway, I'm just sad today. Sometimes it just hits me - I have Cancer. Did you hear me? I have Cancer!! Holy Shit!! Fuck!! Damn It!! GRRRRR!!!!!!
Also, I looked at my feet and suddenly noticed that I have "dark areas" on the sides of both feet (nope, it's not dirt - I tried to scrub it this morning in the shower), I'm sick of being bald "down there". I know, I know, some women pay a lot of money for a brazilian but it would be different if I chose it, you know? I'm also sick of not having eye brows or eye lashes. Used to be when I went out I always made sure I had blush and mascara. Now? blush and penciled in eye brows. Ugh. My leg hair's growing in, my mustache never did get the memo that it was supposed to go away, and I'm getting sick of wearing hats. I've gained 30 lbs. Hot flashes are killing me. My finger nails are doing that weird thing.
Ok, that feels better. On the upside, because of the weight gain my wrinkles have gone away and someone thought I was Kevin's (my 18 yo son's) girlfriend the other day and three other times people guessed my age at 25 - 27. I'm 45 so that's a good thing. Maybe I should stay bald, eh? LOL!!
Also, I've met Holly and Susan, my cousin Judy's friends. They have blogs so we check out and comment on each others blogs. I like it.
There, my pity party is done. Onward and Upward.
TTFN!
Me!
My tattoo!!
My honey!
My Gorgeous Boys!
About Me
- Sandy C
- Tampa, Florida, United States
- Wife of Andrew (26 happy years!), three really great kids - Jeff 21, Scott 20, Kevin 19. Canadian, Living in Florida. Insurance agent - but not a scummy one! happy
6 comments:
Poor momma, nothing some good laughs and a giant bug can't fix. Enter Scott.
I think you're entitled to a pity party or two.
Now suck it up and get on with reading! ;) lol...
Hey little sis,
The amount of pity parties you have had is very minute, Sandy. I think they are healthy and necessary to your well being. After all, it's not like you had stitches or broke your arm.
I say, EMBRACE THE PITY PARTY. Then let it go and just take life one day at a time.
You are handling this whole thing much better than I would have. You are strong and beautiful and loving and kind.
I'm sending my support and love via the wind.
xoxo Karen
heard a remix of "beat it" by fall out boy featuring john mayer and thought of you. you should look it up i'm sure you'll like it, but it is horrrrrrible.
See Sandi, as I said on Y-Me...you are surrounded by love. Reel them in and make plans to hang out for an evening (or a week!) and L-A-U-G-H. It certainly sounds like the people in your life all have a wonderful sense of humor. As I told you, the only rule is that it has to be a cancer-free zone!
I also would like to add that I had moments (especially in the middle of the night) when I would wake up and felt like I was suffocating because I was so afraid. Thankfully, my husband wasn't away during those times and he would talk me through it or just hold me. I've never experienced moments of shear terror like this or such anger. All of this has subsided now and I'm only a month or so ahead of you.
Hang in there, sweetie!
Laurie
After my worrying about the stupid little mammogram I realize even more how strong you are and truly amazing...you're more than entitled to whatever kind of pity party you want!
On a lighter note...I hope Scott's back is ok after "carrying the comments section"...what-evah!! Quite the smart alec you got there...LOL!!!!
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