I'm awake, again!

It's 2 am. I've been up since 1 am. I guess this is going to happen every night after chemo. ugh. I've made myself a huge pot of Sleepytime tea. Only problem is? If it works and makes me sleepy I'll wake up and have to pee a gazillion times. Well, that might be an overstatement but you know what I mean.

I've been thinking about how much chemo has changed my life. It's just shocking when I think about it. I got an e-mail the other day. One of those that asks cute questions like "what's you favourite colour" and stuff like that. I love those things and just don't understand why everyone doesn't. Really, what's better than answering questions about...ME! ROFL!! Anyway, a couple of the questions really hit me. One was "What do you want to do before you die?". Now pre-cancer my answer would have been travel the world or live in Europe or become a millionaire. Know what my answer was? To live long enough to see my children get married. Wow. That's really my answer. Another question was "What are you most afraid of?". Pre-cancer answer would have been snakes or one of my kids getting hurt or the dark. Now? Dying too young. That was my actual answer - and by too young I really only mean before 67. I don't know why 67 but that's too young. But really, in my mind? In the next 5 years. The chances of recurrence are highest in the first 5 years. Shoot, Kevin will still be in college by then. None of the boys will (probably) be married and I sure as hell probably won't have any grandbabies by then. That is way too young to die.

Sad, eh? I know. I'm not morose (usually) and I don't dwell on this whole thing it's just that when stuff like that comes up? I really am a very different person than I was 4 months ago and I know my family feels the same. This can't help but change us and our outlook on life and death.

On a happier note, we are not letting this change our lives, too much. On my good weekends we really try to get out and do something. On my bad weekends we just try to do some small thing like go for a ride in the car or go for a walk around the block. I can't say it makes me appreciate life more because I already appreciated life. A lot. But it is making me step up my timeline in all things - except maybe laundry and cleaning the house. I still procrastinate those things. ROFL!!

On a funny note, my dog. When this happens and I'm up in the middle of the night? He looks at it as a time for him. He gets me to feed him (he eats and drinks very loudly) and then let him out (he barks loudly to come in) and then he thinks I should play with him (which involves him running around the house like a mad-man squeaking his toys and I'm supposed to chase him - not gonna happen!). Seriously. He doesn't care that it's now 2:30 in the morning and other people are sleeping. OMG!! He's so cute! Maybe I should give him some Sleepytime tea. LOL!!

Well, that's all for tonight. I really could go on but it would be the longest post in history and I'm going to go play games on pogo.com, so I will say
G'nite Everybody

and keep on remembering
She's a little bit country
He's a little bit rock and roll
you know the rest and if you don't?
you should and I'll sing it to you!
LMFAO!!