I would have to say I am obsessed about my impending baldness. A couple of days ago I actually went looking on the net for pictures of bald people. I found a group that was started by a girl with cancer and they're called "too sexy for my hair". It had lots of pictures of cancer bald people.
Then, last night I went to this seminar called "Look Good Feel Better". It a program for people undergoing cancer treatment and it gives great information like how to pencil in your own eyebrows, how to cover up blotchy skin, how to care for your newly bald head and goes over hair coverings. I got a bag full of free product - $200 worth. Nice. Anyway, there was a woman there who was bald and I couldn't stop looking at her. I kept sneaking glimpses at her bald head. The good thing is that she was used as the model for the wigs and by the end I was looking at her face not her bald head.
Every night I dream about my hair and baldness. This morning I woke up and didn't even want to put my hand to my head for fear there would be hair on my pillow. I made Andrew promise last night that if he sees there's hair on the pillow he'll wake me up so I don't have to face it alone. I feel like I'm living on the edge of looking normal and looking like a person with cancer. I've decided it's almost time. I really have to shave my head, soon. My hair isn't falling out in clumps but when I run my fingers through it many hairs come out in my hand. It's really weird 'cause they're not unhealthy hairs they're full length hairs. Hard to explain but I'm trying. If I could be assured I would lose it this way I would probably wait awhile. I have very thick hair so if I lost even half of it I would still look like the average person wandering around and I'd definitely have more hair than Andrew does. ROFL!!!
Anyway, I'm going to have to do something soon. I vacillate so far on this that while typing the above paragraph, I just added the words almost and soon. I think "today I'll do it" then in the next, literally, minute I think "I'll wait till tomorrow....I'll just hang in there another day".
Another weird side effect I'm having is that the tip of my tongue feels burned. You know when you have a sip of too hot chocolate? That's what it feels like. Weird.
That's all for now. I'll keep everyone posted on my hair thoughts and what I do. Well, not a minute by minute 'cause that would look like this:
now: I'm shaving my hair off today
A minute later: I'm waiting till it all starts falling out in clumps
Another minute later: Maybe I'll shave my hair today
Five minutes later: I gotta shave that hair off today
A second later: Hmmm, Maybe I'll just wait till it falls out in clumps
The mind of a maniac?
Raving Lunatic?
Hair Obsessed woman?
All of the above?
Possibly!! LOL!!
TTFN!
(that's Pooh speak for ta ta for now)
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5 comments:
I don't get it, am I missing something? I know you're afraid of hair but it seems like your fear of being bald should overcome that. With a head full of hair like yours you should be able to last a while with just a few strands coming out when you run you're hand through. Hell, I wish some of my hair would fall out cuz its so darn thick. Anyways, always thinkin' of you, hang in there. Lots of love.
Apparently, the best way to have healthy hair is to shave it all and regrow it. Look at this TEMPORARY period in your life as an opportunity to look fabulous in a few month's time. And if it makes you feel better, when mine grew back I was surprised how quickly it came back. And it started growing back before I was even done the chemo.
Hey momma,
Funny story for ya. Ok, set the scene, I'm at hockey practice and were about to practice full ice break-outs. The coach has set the first 3 lines and hes settin up the 4th and he says a couple of guys for it and hes lookin' for a third. Hes like, "Ok, who do we have here?". Then right away Matt Heyens starts goin', you got Scott, Scott Callin right there, theres Scott. And I guess my coach is enough of a simpleton to say, oh ok, Scott you go with the 4th line. So I played well, skated hard and we'll see what happens.
Love ya.
Sandy. Why are you in such a hurry to shave your head? That just means that if your hair ISN'T coming out yet, you will have to shave it again and again.
I think you should just wait. Why don't you wear a shower cap on your head for sleeping, then your pillow won't get covered in hair when you DO lose it?
Karen
HEY, we don't need any voice of reason here. Who do you think you are? We're in Cancerland here.
P.S. You know I love ya mommy
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